โ but i know what the consequence will be if i use โ
Posted: Sun, Jul 22, 2007 07:43:44 AM
-- the loss of our carefully nurtured spirituality. snuffing the spiritual flame i have worked so hard to restore in my recovery is too dear a price to pay for getting high.
this is one of those readings that is always a pleasure for me to read. especially on a morning when i am preparing to go to a service meeting. no i am not going to use to end my service commitment, and actually there is little on the agenda to cause me to feel stressed or uneasy. just the fact that once more i will be very visible and in the spotlight triggers feelings of inadequacy and dismay.
so time to divert myself into a journey down memory lane...
i was one of those addicts that came to recovery without any appearance of having anything spiritual within myself. i had given up on religion years before, and i had learned to sell off the remaining pieces of my spiritual self, one fix at a time across the course of my active addiction. so the shell of a person who arrived in these rooms, all those seemingly ending days ago, was ready for something ,more. what i was ready for, i was clueless about. however i was certain it was not a spiritual change or awakening. then, as the threat of time in prison loomed and the wall of denial became thinner, i was ready to do whatever it took to not get high for the remainder of my sentence. i made a bargain with GOD, if only GOD would get me out of this jam, i would be good and not use. well since this reading is not about being careful for what you pray for, i will just say that i got the willingness to set aside my oh so polished opinions about the spiritual nature of the world around me, and accept the help of the fellowship that would guide to this point today.
well, back in the her and now, i am grateful for the fire of the spirit that burns within me today. although there have been tin=mes when my passion for recovery and service has created problems within me and in the world around me, i would not trade that passion for the twenty minutes of bliss that getting high would provide. that cost is far more than i am willing to pay today and i am not even thinking about the material mundane worldly gifts i have received. there is no need for a gratitude list about the spiritual gifts i have been given, it is a useful exercise but one i lack the time to be thorough with this morning. so off to the wonderful world of service with a new sense of how grateful i am about having a flourishing spirit and a passion to carry the message, perhaps GOD will see fit to help me be part of the solution today as i progress through my service commitment.
this is one of those readings that is always a pleasure for me to read. especially on a morning when i am preparing to go to a service meeting. no i am not going to use to end my service commitment, and actually there is little on the agenda to cause me to feel stressed or uneasy. just the fact that once more i will be very visible and in the spotlight triggers feelings of inadequacy and dismay.
so time to divert myself into a journey down memory lane...
i was one of those addicts that came to recovery without any appearance of having anything spiritual within myself. i had given up on religion years before, and i had learned to sell off the remaining pieces of my spiritual self, one fix at a time across the course of my active addiction. so the shell of a person who arrived in these rooms, all those seemingly ending days ago, was ready for something ,more. what i was ready for, i was clueless about. however i was certain it was not a spiritual change or awakening. then, as the threat of time in prison loomed and the wall of denial became thinner, i was ready to do whatever it took to not get high for the remainder of my sentence. i made a bargain with GOD, if only GOD would get me out of this jam, i would be good and not use. well since this reading is not about being careful for what you pray for, i will just say that i got the willingness to set aside my oh so polished opinions about the spiritual nature of the world around me, and accept the help of the fellowship that would guide to this point today.
well, back in the her and now, i am grateful for the fire of the spirit that burns within me today. although there have been tin=mes when my passion for recovery and service has created problems within me and in the world around me, i would not trade that passion for the twenty minutes of bliss that getting high would provide. that cost is far more than i am willing to pay today and i am not even thinking about the material mundane worldly gifts i have received. there is no need for a gratitude list about the spiritual gifts i have been given, it is a useful exercise but one i lack the time to be thorough with this morning. so off to the wonderful world of service with a new sense of how grateful i am about having a flourishing spirit and a passion to carry the message, perhaps GOD will see fit to help me be part of the solution today as i progress through my service commitment.
∞ DT ∞