ฮฑ spiritual life ฯ
Posted: Fri, Jul 22, 2005 05:37:43 AM
today my spirit is vital and strong, after all i have made it this last ten and half months without using, so something has been going on that is beyond my understanding.
i do believe that have done the footwork i needed to, to allow that spirit to grow through the pain and experience of my eighth year clean. if last july you would have suggested that i would have to deal without the process of being a live liver donor, and watch a friend waste away in terminal pain and confusion, i would have looked at you with some kind of dumb look on my face and say that you must be crazy -- nothing like that happens in my life!
so here i am, pondering the meaning of the events over the past 10 months wondering on how i got through it. i have wanted to use. i have been pissed at GOD, i have been denying that Jim would die, and most of all i have wanted to run away and hide in some hole in outer mongolia until all of this was done.
well what really got me through this bit of life on life‘s terms was the relationships i have built with those with whom i share my recovery with. you guys have allowed me to be me, and to keep coming back. you guys kept spouting off those tired overused clichés. you guys kept hugging me and telling me ‘ that no one ever died from a feeling.’ and most of all you guys believed that no matter what i could stay clean and did all you could to get me to believe that.
so to honor all of you as well as that vital part of me -- my spirit -- i believe i will choose not to use again today!
∞ DT ∞
i do believe that have done the footwork i needed to, to allow that spirit to grow through the pain and experience of my eighth year clean. if last july you would have suggested that i would have to deal without the process of being a live liver donor, and watch a friend waste away in terminal pain and confusion, i would have looked at you with some kind of dumb look on my face and say that you must be crazy -- nothing like that happens in my life!
so here i am, pondering the meaning of the events over the past 10 months wondering on how i got through it. i have wanted to use. i have been pissed at GOD, i have been denying that Jim would die, and most of all i have wanted to run away and hide in some hole in outer mongolia until all of this was done.
well what really got me through this bit of life on life‘s terms was the relationships i have built with those with whom i share my recovery with. you guys have allowed me to be me, and to keep coming back. you guys kept spouting off those tired overused clichés. you guys kept hugging me and telling me ‘ that no one ever died from a feeling.’ and most of all you guys believed that no matter what i could stay clean and did all you could to get me to believe that.
so to honor all of you as well as that vital part of me -- my spirit -- i believe i will choose not to use again today!
∞ DT ∞