Blog entry for:

human being, that I have always wanted to be. As I was walking this morning with my partner, I wondered what my life would have been like if I had chosen to return to using after the legal sword was lifted. I will not go into the mental gymnastics that looking for the differences in my life would require. As I have been posting how grateful I am to be where I have been all weekend, I do not think that is the direction I need to go. The facts are evident, if I had chosen to use way back when, I would not be sitting in Bozeman, waiting to fly back to Denver, so I can return to work tomorrow. The best case scenario would be that I would be working 3 McJobs, trying to keep my habit under control and cursing the day I got on the probation treadmill, wondering which of the balls I was juggling was going to drop today.
Today, I is true I have a deadline or two to meet before I sleep tonight. I get to look at an code test for a job opportunity, I may get to audition to be a sponsor for a new guy, I will get to a meeting, but all of that is in the yet to come. Right here and right now, I get to put down in words what I think about the spark of life that was rescuers by the fellowship that has given me this new manner of living.
OOPS! There I go again, gushing about how grateful I am and while all of that I true, for me, it feels as if I am doing some sort of whitewash over the issues that plague me on a daily basis. Oddly enough, what seemed as if they were intractable problems four days ago, feel downsized to manageable chunks today. I may not like my job and cringe when I get ready to head on down to the office, but that job gave me the freedom to get away this weekend and not have me paycheck docked for two days of work, plus it gives me the resources to travel as I want to and not have to sleep in a van down by the river. I might go on and on, but today I will wrap this up and get ready to have breakfast and drive to the plane home. It is a good day to be clean, just for today.

∞ DT ∞