Blog entry for:

they can make life more convenient or more luxurious, but they cannot fix me.
looking inward to find those emotions and gifts that have always been desirable to me. not something that is easily accomplished for this addict, but a task that is worth practicing on a minute to minute basis. i was taught and believed over the course of my life before ever taking that first substance that joy and happiness comes from having the most, shiniest, biggest toys. that was not a value that my parents instilled in me, so it must have come from popular culture. now of course i could play the blame game, i was after all a child of the TV generation, and whine about how advertising and popular culture warped my sense of perspective, however, that is an exercise in futility and these days i have more valuable things and concepts to spend my time considering. so i take full responsibility for having that particular belief firmly ingrained in my value system. by taking responsibility, i get to have the freedom to use the process of recovery to morph that particular value into one that is more appropriate for my life today.
so exactly where can i find joy and happiness if not in the nearest mall, or at amazon.com? well, i could look to who is part of my life today, my friends, my peers in recovery, the people with whom i share my life, my significant other, and my family. the relationships i am working on today are fulfilling and without parallel as a source of joy. i can also look to myself and the progress i have made on my journey to become the man i always wanted to be. even though when i started that particular journey, i did not have a clue as to where i was going, in fact to this moment i am still mostly in the dark about where that particular path is leading, but i can find joy in the fact that it is going in a direction that is positive, and wholesome for me. most of all i can derive joy from the relationship with THE POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN, regardless of what i choose to call that POWER today. that particular relationship sustains and nourishes me from without, with everything i need. so there is plenty of sources for joy in this addict’s life, all i have to do is look. and with that thought it is time to go out and earn a few bucks.

∞ DT ∞