Blog entry for:

that dependence was so total, it prevented me from developing any kind of reliance on a Higher Power.
not that any kind of a relationship with a HIGHER POWER was my desire, all i wanted was to learn how to use socially, what i got was a whole lot more.
after listening to another member share last night, i woke up this morning with a deep sense of gratitude that thew POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN, has provided the path of recovery that i have. i am not quite sure if i could recover following the path that member has followed. i was about to go into an inventory about what i heard last night, but something, probably that same POWER suggested that i have better ways to spend my energy today. along that line of thought, i probably need to write out my definitions of another character defect or two off my list. i did two yesterday afternoon, and you know what, i have inched ever so closer to being ready to have them all removed. not that the reading was about the removal of my character defects, but without the conscious contact that i have established along my journey through this whole recovery trip, i would have never been able to recognize that i had defects of character, as evidenced by my very first sixth step all those days ago.
be that as it may, today my meditation was one the best i have had in the past ten days or so, not in length but certainly in the depth i reached in letting go . of course the reading was not just about the eleventh step, it was more about developing a routine of conscious contact. i understand that is a project i can and did undertake long before i reached the eleventh step, and one that continues to this day. pert of my prayer this morning was an expression of gratitude for the path i have been set on. i believe that the POWER that i have come to know requires nothing of me, it is for me that i express that gratitude, after all i am the one who is self-important and self-obsessed, so i am the one who needs to remind myself exactly where the power to stay clean comes from.
but anyhow. philosophical musings are quite fun but the practical application of all of this is, i am the one who needs to work on my relationship with the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN, it is not the other way around.
so once again the time has come to race off and greet the real world head-on (apply directly to the forehead)!

∞ DT ∞