Blog entry for:

the chronic defects of character underlying my troubles. well since coming to recovery, the release from my defects of character and shortcomings, is not an event, it is a process, that is maintained through conscious contact with the POWER that fuels my recovery.
it may seem that i chose something way off topic, and perhaps i did. the topic, at least on the surface, was about establishing and maintaining conscious contact with a HIGHER POWER, through regular and consistent, prayer and meditation. for me, this is a no-brainer. for others, well perhaps this is just for you today. as i finish off STEP EIGHT and prepare to move on to my NINTH, i have the opportunity this morning to see where i am going and where i have come from. not that i am going to inventory that as part of this task, but i will say that it is BECAUSE of my efforts to build and maintain conscious contact with the POWER that fuels my recovery, that i GET to be here today, pounding out this little ditty.
what do i want? well it would be wonderful to wake up one day and not be an addict. there i said it. barring that very unlikely event, second-most on my list is to be free from active addiction and have a path to becoming more than i currently am. which, remarkably, i can state i do already have. that gift is a direct result of living a program of recovery and comes from the POWER that fuels my recovery. each day clean, i GET to be a bit more than i was yesterday, or at least i have the opportunity for that growth, whether or not i take it, is yet another matter. i can only avail myself to that opportunity if i am present for what is going on in my life and the world around me, which circles back to being an active participant in my recovery process. at this phase in my recovery, that means maintaining concussions contact, which brings me back to the top.
recovery, for me anyhow, is a very tight feedback loop, probably just as tight as active addiction, but one helluva lot more fragile. that feedback loop is based on the necessity to look outside of myself for the answers and to listen to them when they come, hence the whole prayer and meditation gig. i could go on and on, but i am certain that my point is pretty clear by now, just in case it is not:
i am clean today, because i learned to build and maintain a conscious contact with the POWER that fuels my recovery, not despite that fact. it is fairly certain, that habitual maintenance is what fuels my desire to grow today and will continue to do so in the future, if i step out of the way and allow the process to happen. speaking of which, it is time to get moving down the road and into my day. it is a great day to be a part of the world and i am grateful to the program that allowed me to rewjoin the human race, just for today.

∞ DT ∞