Blog entry for:

to do the work i am able to do, and also admitting that sometimes i need help. i have to confess that in active addiction, mere abstinence and active recovery, that this particular notion hardly ever crossed my mind. that is, until the last few years, when i saw that i could not and should not rely on me, myself and i, to do everything, save the world and carry the weight of the fellowship upon my shoulders. i call myself lazy, but that is an exaggeration, as most of the times when i am lazy, i am simply worn out from trying to do too much. i call myself obsessive, and that too, is not quite accurate, i am focused and like having structure to my life, which may look like obsession. the reality is, over the past few years, especially this last one, i have had to admit more than once that something was beyond me and ask for help. it no longer sticks in my craw to say i do not know, i cannot do this by myself and can i lend a hand. i guess all that talk about “ego smashing” that my peers prattle on and on and on about, may actually be what has occurred in my life. i choose to see it as letting go of who i believed i was and uncovering who i may become. which is a process i cannot and certainly do not, do all by myself. just for today, as i head on out to fulfill a commitment i made, i know that once upon a time i needed to look self-sufficient to pump myself up, today i can allow others the courtesy of lending me a hand.

∞ DT ∞