π force of will π
Posted: Tue, Aug 10, 2021 07:59:19 AM
i keep forgetting where i am and when it is back home. i was txting with my sister as she was driving into work, thinking that maybe she was working an afternoon shift, when in reality i would be working as well at this time of day. my day in Patmos is over and i am chilling by the pool, enjoying a cigar and trying to remember what i heard when i got up to start my day. i made a bad joke when i started my FaceBook post ths morning based on very old movie, and as i consider the irony of counting my days by the island i am on. i GET how fortunate i am to be here, right now, when the world is burning down with the DELTA variant and feels as if it is on the verge of lock-down again.
what is not ironic is how dedicated i am to the proposition of daily conscious contact. i am still not sure whether or not i pray out of superstition or belief, but i KNOW i meditate because it allows me to find balance at the edges of my day. when i got clean there was very little balance in my life, i was a person of extremes. very high “highs” and terribly low “lows.” had i gone to therapy. more than likely i would have ended-up being treated as a person suffering, plagued by bipolar disease. my only respite frrom all of that was to use in a compulsive manner, and it worked right to the end. i still seeek a thrill every now and again, such as jumping off the slick rock in Milos, seven meters into the ocean. it was a blast and if we had not been on some sort of schedule i would have worked my way all the way up to the fifteen meter rock.
anyhow, what that balance has given me is the ability to not get ticked-off when my adventures go a bit sideways, such as walking uphill, 2.5 km to the Cave of the Apocolypse and the Monestary of St John the Evangelist, only to find them both closed for the day. the way i look at it, is i now got the workout in, that i skipped this morning. more than once over the past few days, i have wanted to say WTF, when someone looked at me sideways, each time i considered the cost and decided that i did not want to pay that price. so the time has come to return to the here and now and put this baby to bed. yes, it is a good day to have balance and yes i will keep up my daily practice, because if something works, why change it.
what is not ironic is how dedicated i am to the proposition of daily conscious contact. i am still not sure whether or not i pray out of superstition or belief, but i KNOW i meditate because it allows me to find balance at the edges of my day. when i got clean there was very little balance in my life, i was a person of extremes. very high “highs” and terribly low “lows.” had i gone to therapy. more than likely i would have ended-up being treated as a person suffering, plagued by bipolar disease. my only respite frrom all of that was to use in a compulsive manner, and it worked right to the end. i still seeek a thrill every now and again, such as jumping off the slick rock in Milos, seven meters into the ocean. it was a blast and if we had not been on some sort of schedule i would have worked my way all the way up to the fifteen meter rock.
anyhow, what that balance has given me is the ability to not get ticked-off when my adventures go a bit sideways, such as walking uphill, 2.5 km to the Cave of the Apocolypse and the Monestary of St John the Evangelist, only to find them both closed for the day. the way i look at it, is i now got the workout in, that i skipped this morning. more than once over the past few days, i have wanted to say WTF, when someone looked at me sideways, each time i considered the cost and decided that i did not want to pay that price. so the time has come to return to the here and now and put this baby to bed. yes, it is a good day to have balance and yes i will keep up my daily practice, because if something works, why change it.
∞ DT ∞