Blog entry for:

and for the ability to offer them the unconditional love that has meant so much to me in my recovery.
it is ironic, that this reading had popped up today, just as i am having this very issue. it seems that the people i am having the most difficulty with are those with whom i share the local rooms of recovery. the reminder that it is not them appears to be some sort of miracle, after all, it is not their problem that i am seeing them as being difficult. as i often tell the men who choose to let me sponsor them, they are who they are. my task is to look past what i perceive and find within in me , the ability to return the unconditional love that was so freely given to me.
as i ponder back to those last days of my active addiction, i purposely shut out those members who were trying to reach me. back then, i did not have the desire not to use, in fact fellowship activities were the perfect out for me to use one more time. even after i decidied that this recovery gig may work for me, on an ever so temporary basis, i did not become an easy person to love. i used my rage at being in recovery to try and push everyone away. and yest, the members who were in the room still loved and welcomed me.
so this little reading comes in a point of my annual cycle, when i need to be reminded of who and what i really am, and who i was. yes there will always be difficult people in my life, both in and out of recovery, and yes i will find the ways and means to whine, complain and judge them. i do not believe this will ever change, life is not some sort of neat little package that allows me to pick and choose who is easy to get along with and who is difficult for me to get along with. praying for the well-being of those difficult participants in my life, fosters an ingherent change within in me. it provides a counter to the selfish, self-obsessed person that i am. this is a journey towards perfection, a goal i will never reach. and you know what, accepting that ideal, and the reality of that destination being unreachable is a task i can undertake today. will i ever be able to offer unconditional love to everyone who happens to cross my path?? only time will tell. my job is to do my level best to allow the changes that are manifest within me, through the loving power of a POWER GREATER THAN MYSELF, to take hold and thrive.
so just a thought befor i go:
HAPPY CLEAN DATE ANNIVERSARY Greg C! thanks for being a part of my recovery!

∞ DT ∞