Blog entry for:

a spiritually oriented life, is sometimes not exactly what i think i DESIRE. okay, i want to act as if i am some sort of recovery guru here, but that fact is, i am more often than not that **difficult** person in the lives of my peers, loved ones, co-workers and acquaintances. it seems that i have always had this perverse streak within me to create a “bit of chaos” by being a contrarian or an intellectual bully. four SIXTH and SEVENTH STEPS have diminished that DESIRE, but it is far from removed and my targets today are far less able to defend themselves. a sad as that may sound and even though they are on my daily inventories night after night, i still go merrily marching down the “difficult person” with little regard of the consequences. so it goes, it certainly is what it is and just for today, if i allow the POWER that fuels my recovery to work in my life, perhaps i will not have so many wrongs to own up for, tomorrow.
of course, there is a justification or rationalization in my mind, for each and every less than spiritual act. after all … yeah that story is a familiar refrain for me, one that i am certain may be part of the human condition and certainly one that active addiction polished into a “terrific” song and dance routine to distract me from what is really going on: a bout of low self-esteem that i need to eliminate by making someone else feel a bit lower. as i am running a bit late, i think i will end it on that note as that is certainly food for thought as i drive to the office and GET to learn how to help my co-worker instead of beat him down, just for today.

∞ DT ∞