😡 to understand 😢
Posted: Sat, Aug 13, 2022 02:13:22 PM
others, rather than be understood by them is certainly an excellent mantra for me today. ironically, one of the most difficult people in my life, walked into my home group this morning and left before the meeting was over. i understood what they shared and at one time, just their presence in the same room was an anathema to me. today, i realized that i had moved on and no longer harbored any ill will or any sort of nastiness towards them. i know that i have taken care of my part in the dispute that came between us, so the reality is for me to accept what is and stop worrying about the what may be.
what came up for me this morning, was not this person as i considered the JFT reading, but rather whether i was doing enough to get hired on full-time from my contract position, when January rolls around. as i find myself still beating myself up over getting fired in January, i keep going back to the old story of not being “good enough.” the facts of that matter is i did not apply myself with the necessary vim and vigor to keep my position, until it was way too late. i continued to work in a manner that was far from exemplary and allowed myself to be distracted by what i “had” to do around the house, even though none of that stuff was exactly pressing.
the other “topic” that popped off the stack was my anticipation of the medical procedures i am having on Tuesday afternoon. i know how the medications they will be injecting into will make me feel and the addict within relishes this as a “freebie.” i know that afterwards i will feel less than stellar and certainly the lingering effects of being consciously sedated will mess with my head as well. i also know that i am in a good place spiritually and physically, so if i stop “fearing” what i may feel and allow myself the freedom to just be, all will be well, as this is not my first time at that particular rodeo.
anyhow, all that aside, it has been a very good day, so far. made my climb, i had a coffee beverage, attended my home group, had wings for lunch and got my laptop, charged up and updated. now all io have to do, is get the last fifteen hundred steps for this day, and i will have accomplished all that i wanted to get done.
what came up for me this morning, was not this person as i considered the JFT reading, but rather whether i was doing enough to get hired on full-time from my contract position, when January rolls around. as i find myself still beating myself up over getting fired in January, i keep going back to the old story of not being “good enough.” the facts of that matter is i did not apply myself with the necessary vim and vigor to keep my position, until it was way too late. i continued to work in a manner that was far from exemplary and allowed myself to be distracted by what i “had” to do around the house, even though none of that stuff was exactly pressing.
the other “topic” that popped off the stack was my anticipation of the medical procedures i am having on Tuesday afternoon. i know how the medications they will be injecting into will make me feel and the addict within relishes this as a “freebie.” i know that afterwards i will feel less than stellar and certainly the lingering effects of being consciously sedated will mess with my head as well. i also know that i am in a good place spiritually and physically, so if i stop “fearing” what i may feel and allow myself the freedom to just be, all will be well, as this is not my first time at that particular rodeo.
anyhow, all that aside, it has been a very good day, so far. made my climb, i had a coffee beverage, attended my home group, had wings for lunch and got my laptop, charged up and updated. now all io have to do, is get the last fifteen hundred steps for this day, and i will have accomplished all that i wanted to get done.
∞ DT ∞