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genuineness are far more important than polish or pretense, no matter what the part of me i call addiction may say. as someone who hid in plain sight for far too long, it is a breath of fresh air to just be myself and not concern myself with what others may think. coming to that point in my life was more like a rheostat slowing illuminating a room, rather than a flick of the switch. it was quite a chore to play a role, time and again to get others to see me as i was not. when i shared on Saturday night, i let that true self shine through and told on myself, even the less than savory bits. i am not sure it affected anyone who was listening and i certainly do not care what they thought of me as a result of being honest and vulnerable. even though i may never see any of those peers again, is far from relevant, but that notion did assist me in my struggle to share my deepest and darkest parts. today, seventy-two hours later, i feel relieved that i could do just that and in that instant be whole and genuine. i have absolutely no regrets, save for the notion of why it took me so long to open up.
moving into the here and now, i am still listening for the answer to what, if anything, i could say to my massage therapist to give her the encouragement she needs to stop drinking and find a new manner of clearing her head, in the evening as she winds down her day. what came up this morning was a suggesting based on the TENTH STEP, because even those in the other eighty percent, might benefit from a bit of inventory of their day. that idea comes from something the Sunday morning speaker shared about how “lucky” those of us who have found recovery are to have the ways and means to live in a different manner. i will let that notion rattle around in my head for right now, no not the part of being lucky, but the suggestion of a daily inventory.
anyhow, i need to get some work done as i have been slacking lately. i have done my research, now it is time to pound out the hits. life in my skin as my authentic self is not at all heinous today. i could use a bit of polish but no pretense in on the agenda, just for today.

∞ DT ∞