Blog entry for:

exceptionally difficult people in my life. so a quick cherry pick and i can hammer those one or two people into dust and move along, after all, it is not about them, it is all about me. being all about does not mean that i am going to beat myself up and down for my part in creating the difficult situation with those people. nope not gonna do it. so what does that really leave for me to write about this morning? well let's see what happens.
so thinking about my relationships with others, and what attracts me to desiring interactions and what keeps me at arm's length, i know that those who have or are what i want to become, are the ones i try the hardest to include in my life. those who resemble my collection of character defects and shortcomings, well not so much. more and more i am drawn less and less to those who must dump pounds of chaos into their lives and the lives of others. more and more, i am drawn less to those who walk around as-if their sh!t don't stink. and more and more i am drawn less to those who are afraid to show who they really are, and hide behind the wall of their clean time and how important they think they are, even when they are a recovery thief, showing up to collect their chip and spending the rest of time in parts unknown. as one can see, i have some very strong opinions about who i DO NOT want to spend time with, and in each of those cases it is the reflection of me that i see that creates the emotional reaction of “run away!”
as it happens, some of those very same people, are friends and very close to some of the very people i want to be close to, and as a result, i have also started to learn that maybe, just maybe, it is more spiritual to keep my opinions in my head and not express them to the general public. as i do so, it seems that more people seem to be attracted to me. just for today, i need not pretend that i am friends or even like some of the worst offenders, but i do need to treat them with kindness, courtesy and respect. it is interesting that some of those very same people get as butt hurt when i do not express my opinion either, as if being the center of attention and biggest fish in the pond, regardless of the rep, is more important. i however, did not hang the moon, nor do i think i need a flock of sycophants crowding around me, seeking my inherent and oh so spiritual wisdom. today, i need not pretend i am anything more than i really am, a recovering addict, who is doing his best to live a program of recovery and walk the path of becoming someone i have always wanted to be. if by some twist of fate or circumstances i begin to treat the fellowship like a “Christ-Easter,” showing up only to grab a key tag and the accolades that are part of my annual clean time celebration, then i KNOW i have fallen off the path of living a program and i am on my way to the life of just being abstinent, which i remember to be quite distasteful to me.
so there you have it, most of those who i find difficult are those who i have judged to be lacking in the very traits i seek to see in myself and my peers. as is often the case in judgments, i can be totally wrong and even though i may not want to hang or even interact with them, i owe them the right to prove me wrong and show me that despite my feelings, they are certainly worth bbeing part of me life, because after all, in the end, it really is all about me.

∞ DT ∞