Blog entry for:

not demand that they serve me.
some days, every person i run across is a difficult person, some days i run across none, ironic how that works. the reading was all about loving someone, trying to put myself in their place and praying for them. while all of that may be nice, sometimes the problem boils down to my spiritual condition and all of those la-de-dah actions in thew world is not going to change the difficult people in my life. for me, i have to first see if the two a$$hole rule is in effect. what may you ask is the two a$$hole rule? in my life, i have discovered that if i encounter one a$$hole in a day, it is more than likely that they are just a$$holes, but pay attention to what is going on inside of me. if i encounter two or more, well chances are that i am not spiritually fit, and i need to look into what is going on inside of me.
the reading first presupposed that i have done harm and that i need to inventory my interactions with a difficult person. i find that more than a bit off-putting. i can judge the behaviors of others, without doing one lick of harm and treat them with respect and courtesy and still get hammered with their crap. what i would suggest, is before i start an inventory of harm, i look to my spiritual condition and see what if anything i find in them, that i do not like in myself. for me, that is most often the root cause of difficult people in my life. when i get past this step, which for the most part i do not, what i find is that i have said something to them, a truth no less, that hurt their feelings. since i very rarely speak in that manner in front of anyone else, bruised feelings are not harm and any resentments or anger the so-called injured party is feeling is stuff for them to work out for themselves. there are times, when real damage has been done, and i do have to own my part and repair that damage and amend my behavior accordingly.
trying to put myself in their shoes, well that presupposes way too much, and that is something i will skip right past. i find that presumptuous, as a result, i just let it go, they are who they are and i can love them unconditionally, even if i cannot stand to be in the same room with them. most of the time, the difficult people in my life, fall away, for one reason or another, and most of the time, it was me that was making them difficult due to my spiritual condition.
yes i want to believe i am entitled to everything, however i know that for the lie it is. respect needs to be earned. the food on my plate and the roof over my head, are the fruits of my labor and efforts at self-support. my emotional and spiritual well-being and the gifts that they bring are the RESULTS of my efforts at recovery, which in and of itself is a gift from the POWER that fuels my recovery. i DO NOT deserve anything, regardless what the new age dry drunks want to tell me, except for the opportunities to get what i need for today. which just for right now, means getting my a$$ in the shower and head on down the road to work, hopefully spiritual enough to not encounter any difficult people in my life today.

∞ DT ∞