ฮด a cluttered spirit is just as hard to live with as a messy home ฮ
Posted: Tue, Sep 4, 2007 06:44:50 AM
i always seem to be tripping over the leavings of yesterday. the more i neglect my responsibility to make amends, the more cluttered my spirit becomes.
so i had every intention of keeping this blog up over the holiday weekend, i did not, so i need to make an apology to those of you who may check in on a daily basis to see what this addict is up to, spiritually. even yesterday, i thought about it mid-morning when i got home, however i allowed myself to get wrapped up in the responsibilities of the day. i know, all of that sounds like a rationalization, and i really want it to be an explanation, so anyhow on with the real meat of this morning’s musings.
it would be nice, i there was a way to get the benefit of working an amends by paying someone to go and do it for me. i have always really liked that idea, after all, i can be a slob and hire a cleaning company to come in and take care of my mess. it would be even better if this program made such profound changes in me, that i did not ever have to go make amends, because i was so spiritually fit that i never caused any harm. however wishing for things that will never happen is an unproductive use of my time and energy so that only leaves this reality: i will cause harm, because i am human and i suffer from the disease of addiction, and that harm will weigh on my spirit until i take care of it, by owning the wrong and making the necessary reparations and changes in my life. honestly, i have come to the point in my progress on this journey through recovery where i am certain that for me, making my amends is more important for my spiritual sanity than it is for the person i have wronged. the part of me i call my addict loves to have ammunition to beat me up and tear me down with. the only weapon i have against that part of me is the spiritual tools that have been given to me, as a result of working the steps. recognizing harm and making amends are two of those tools that free me from my obsession of how evil i am. and today i think i may just use them to move through this very busy day. life is good, vacation was wonderful, but the time has come to pay the bills! hasta la vista all!
so i had every intention of keeping this blog up over the holiday weekend, i did not, so i need to make an apology to those of you who may check in on a daily basis to see what this addict is up to, spiritually. even yesterday, i thought about it mid-morning when i got home, however i allowed myself to get wrapped up in the responsibilities of the day. i know, all of that sounds like a rationalization, and i really want it to be an explanation, so anyhow on with the real meat of this morning’s musings.
it would be nice, i there was a way to get the benefit of working an amends by paying someone to go and do it for me. i have always really liked that idea, after all, i can be a slob and hire a cleaning company to come in and take care of my mess. it would be even better if this program made such profound changes in me, that i did not ever have to go make amends, because i was so spiritually fit that i never caused any harm. however wishing for things that will never happen is an unproductive use of my time and energy so that only leaves this reality: i will cause harm, because i am human and i suffer from the disease of addiction, and that harm will weigh on my spirit until i take care of it, by owning the wrong and making the necessary reparations and changes in my life. honestly, i have come to the point in my progress on this journey through recovery where i am certain that for me, making my amends is more important for my spiritual sanity than it is for the person i have wronged. the part of me i call my addict loves to have ammunition to beat me up and tear me down with. the only weapon i have against that part of me is the spiritual tools that have been given to me, as a result of working the steps. recognizing harm and making amends are two of those tools that free me from my obsession of how evil i am. and today i think i may just use them to move through this very busy day. life is good, vacation was wonderful, but the time has come to pay the bills! hasta la vista all!
∞ DT ∞