Blog entry for:

i always seem to be tripping over the leavings of yesterday. the more i neglect my responsibility to make amends, the more cluttered my spirit becomes.
so i had every intention of keeping this blog up over the holiday weekend, i did not, so i need to make an apology to those of you who may check in on a daily basis to see what this addict is up to, spiritually. even yesterday, i thought about it mid-morning when i got home, however i allowed myself to get wrapped up in the responsibilities of the day. i know, all of that sounds like a rationalization, and i really want it to be an explanation, so anyhow on with the real meat of this morning’s musings.
it would be nice, i there was a way to get the benefit of working an amends by paying someone to go and do it for me. i have always really liked that idea, after all, i can be a slob and hire a cleaning company to come in and take care of my mess. it would be even better if this program made such profound changes in me, that i did not ever have to go make amends, because i was so spiritually fit that i never caused any harm. however wishing for things that will never happen is an unproductive use of my time and energy so that only leaves this reality: i will cause harm, because i am human and i suffer from the disease of addiction, and that harm will weigh on my spirit until i take care of it, by owning the wrong and making the necessary reparations and changes in my life. honestly, i have come to the point in my progress on this journey through recovery where i am certain that for me, making my amends is more important for my spiritual sanity than it is for the person i have wronged. the part of me i call my addict loves to have ammunition to beat me up and tear me down with. the only weapon i have against that part of me is the spiritual tools that have been given to me, as a result of working the steps. recognizing harm and making amends are two of those tools that free me from my obsession of how evil i am. and today i think i may just use them to move through this very busy day. life is good, vacation was wonderful, but the time has come to pay the bills! hasta la vista all!

∞ DT ∞