Blog entry for:

will not make it disappear, no matter how hard i wish that it would. living a program of active recovery takes work. whining and lamenting about that fact of life does not change anything. the fact is, IF i want to be free from my past i NEED to do the work that requires, which means making the amends that stand between me and my FREEDOM. running away and denying that there are things to do is certainly a familiar pattern in my life and one that i am doing my best to have removed from me. just as Microsoft is doing this morning with their “outage” IF i pretend there is no problem and pray hard enough, maybe no one will notice.
as nice as life in that fantasy world sounds, it just is not going to come to pass in mine. it is true, however, that as a result of my diligence across the course of my recovery, there are very few, if any, amends from my past, hanging over my head. to extend the metaphor a bit further, a little light dusting, and vacuuming is what is required these days, to keep the clutter down, as i have moved on from being a force for pain in the lives of those around me.
anyhow, one of the amends that is most active in my life these days, is the one to myself. after 120 days or so of applying myself to my fitness goals, i am finally seeing the results on the scale. i know that what i weigh is far less important than how my clothes fit, as weight is not necessarily a measure of health, but it is nice to get that sort of feedback. after years of neglect, i am finally taking care of myself and i am feeling better as a result. this is the one room i have avoided de-cluttering for quite some time. as the “sun” starts to shine into this room, revealing a space that i have come to love and respect again., i am grateful that i can move forward and start detaching myself from the past harms i have done to me, as well. in fact, since i am working from home today, it is time to go get some steps in, just for today.

∞ DT ∞