Blog entry for:

yet i hesitate to call my sponsor or visit my friends. i fear that if they ever got to know me -- really know me -- they would surely reject me. same story different day. in actuality this is the issue i have been working on for quites some time now, and hopefully, after i see my sponsor tomorrow night i will get to move on. at least to the next step in the twelve step process. yes i know the reading was about the effects on my friends and others when i isolate, but this morning i am more pulled towards the effects on me, if i choose to isolate. lately, i have been involved in the fellowship in a manner that was beyond my desire for quite some time, for various reasons, and perhaps this is the direction i need to go after my current service commitments expire in july. that answer will be revealed as time goes forward and i have more than enough on my plate these days to keep my busy and distracted from wanting to isolate. it is interesting that when i read through the litany of excuses to not call, that for the first time, not every one applied to me. perhaps, no, it IS a sign of growth. i am finally beginning to feel worthy of other members’ time. i am starting to let go of the fear of others seeing me as i really am. and most of all, i am finally beginning to get comfortable with the notion that i am getting better. by no means have i stopped being an addict, i believe that only a single event will end that particular malady, and that event has yet to happen, and hopefully will not happen for a while -- namely the end of my life. so the HOPE i feel today, is that this process does work, whether i am present to witness it myself and that all i have to do is live a program of recovery and i will continue to get better, and most of all, actually ask the questions of those around me that pertain directly to my needs. after all it is yet another good day to recover!

∞ DT ∞