Blog entry for:

well, it actually did end-up being a lunch time project. twice this morning, during our power outrages i started to write this, and twice something stopped me. the first time it was my co-workers sitting around shooting the sh!t and looking over my shoulder and the second time, just as i was getting ready to roll the power came back up. what i take away from all of that, was probably not what i really needed to be writing about. so with that in mind, a paradigm shift from mea culpa to self-worth seems in order.
yes it is true that i have stuff to offer: experience with life on its own terms, the strength of staying clean one day at a time across the course of many days in a row and the hope of becoming the person i have always wanted to be. there are times when all of this goes out of my head and all i can hear is how bad i do this whole gig: life, recovery, relationships and most of all social interactions within the fellowship. when i get those notions in my head, i certainly want to isolate as i believe i am toxic to all those with whom i have contact. the reading reminds me that no matter what i think i am, i am a resource for those who have come to know me and actually can help someone else. in reality, my toxicity is mostly in my own head. that is not to say that i am never toxic and should stay away, but the reality is, when i live an active program of recovery, i am very rarely in that state. so as my lunch is finished and i really do need to get some stuff done today, i will sign-off with this. i am a valuable part of my fellowship, all i have to do is let myself be whoever i happen to be right here and right now

∞ DT ∞