Blog entry for:

more than freedom from the cage of addiction -- i gained the freedom to explore the world outside that cage. a year ago, i was delayed in Boston on my trip to Africa. i was fretting and fuming about the money i had lost due to be downgraded on my flights and the hotel room at our destination. i had totally lost my mind in my resentments towards my Mom, as her passing left many of my issues unresolved, specifically any sort of apology or amends for what she did. i had lost any sort of desire to be a part of what needed to be done and actually could not wait to be radio silent on the slopes of Kilimanjaro. i know that my blog post, reflected very little of this reality, as i was so caught up in how i should look, that i denied how i actually felt. it took weeks for these feelings, about my Mom anyhow, to surface and months for me to let go of expected a dead person to come back and take care of her unfinished bidness. this morning, as i considered where i am now, and where i was then, i can see that i have been given a gift. that gift, recovery, allows me to find a way out of my self-made prisons and once again taste the freedom that i so desired, way back when.
looking at what is going on inside of me, these days, there is HOPE that i will be able to climb the peaks of my home state, once again this summer. there is hope that i will be in shape and able to complete as 10K run in under fifty-seven minutes. most of all, there is hope that i can be an asset in the lives of the men i sponsor and help them find their way out of whatever prisons they have made for themselves. trust me, there are more than a few, who require a light at the end of the tunnel, that is not an oncoming train. i know i could wait for the light of day and get outside this morning for my workout, but and yes it is a nice juicy rationalization, i have come to like being in a climate controlled environment for my daily workouts. that is something i never thought i would say, as i have always hated being a gym rat. i will, however, get rolling down the road to get miles under my sneakers, before the dawn breaks. i guess one might say that i am exercising my passion and have found a bit of a purpose, just for today. 😁

∞ DT ∞