Blog entry for:

be comfortable with revealing myself as i am, has been an incredible journey over the past eleven months or so. what started as taking some time to look after my aging parents, turned into saying my final goodbye to my Dad and reaching the place where i finally had to explode the myth my life was based on, which stemmed from an even that happened decades ago. most of the time i am good with letting go of that event and the process it started, there are times however, when someone starts to “shove shit down my throat” in a abject fit of self-will, i react in a less than spiritual manner and lash out. coming to a place where i NEED to walk away, so i do no more damage to those around me, is an elegant and simple solution that will keep me from creating any more “brain damage.” right or wrong, no longer matters when i cannot see any light in a situation, and in this one, everything i hear feels “wrong” to me, triggering a “fight” reaction, when flight is truly a more spiritual choice.

Todd T.
Congrats on Twenty-One (21) years clean.

this morning, as i start me second week of unemployment, i do have a technical interview this week. i am certain my unemployment and Medicare applications are moving along at the government's glacial pace and there is a check in the mail from my savings account, so i am good to go for this week. i am going to attempt the online training on my local machine this week, as the frustration i felt, attempting to work past the security features of the modern internet, left me less than pleased with my progress, yesterday. today, however, is a day off: no coding, no hours on my computer, no scratching my head about concepts i do not get and no wondering who may be watching and judging me. to get that day rolling, i think i will put this baby to bed, suit up and show up for some miles, while my laundry does its gig as well. it is a great day, to be myself and not worry about how others may or may not see me. i am okay and i am not now, nor was i ever broken, that was part of the lie i told myself, so i could live in a world of fantasy, away from the hub-bub of reality.

∞ DT ∞