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i will reach out to others, giving and receiving in fellowship. so yes i made substantial changes to the seed i borrowed, with just a few strokes of the keyboard. those changes for me, anyhow are significant. when i came to recovery, i may not have said it, but it was in my attitude, that none were or could ever be my peers. just as i was incapable of being myself, i was afraid that IF i really looked at my standing in the community that i was present within, way back then, i would find that not only was i without peers, that just about everybody else was better than me. coming to a place of finding where i belong as well as where i rate in the scale of stuff, and it is stuff, first came about for me, when i finally started to let go the notion of having to figure out where i fit. here in the fellowship that has given me this new way of life, i am just another addict, do his level best to stay clean one day at a time and foster the process of growth that allows me to be more than i ever was. i see in the rooms, those that are filled with doom and gloom, and most of them are that way, because they choose to be so. who cares if it has been four years or so since one has last worked or did anything but eat, sleep and sh!t, if one wants more than what they have than get off their lazy butt and do something about it. laying around all day eating bonbons and watching TV is not going to change how one feels about oneself. i get that, i also get that asking people to call, but not actually calling anyone, will not have the results i desire. if i want interaction with the people who i depend upon, than i have to be the one to call. if i am thinking about someone, it is up to me to call or text and ask how they are. if i know someone is pain, it is up to me, to reach out and find out what i can do. all of those actions, i have found, bind me to the people i love and care for, and as a result bind them to me. when they are thinking of me, they will call. when they do not see me, they will check-up to see if i am okay. i can be as isolated as i choose to be,m and the really nice part? i can blame it on addiction, after all, the part of me i call my addict wants me to use, and does what it can to keep me from finding any joy or light in my life. however this little rant has gone on long enough. today i am not afraid to be and show who i am, at least to the fellowship upon which i am growing up in. here they really do get me, and when i give, i receive as well. so off to Boulder to give some hours and get some money, after all, i am a productive member of society, today.

∞ DT ∞