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...was met by a group of grim-faced people gripping the arms of their chairs with white knuckles. well if i was that person. i would certainly come to the conclusion that getting clean is not what i want to do, after all, i came to recovery, and i remain in recovery, because i was tired of merely surviving. i want to thrive, and part of thriving IMHO is the chance to be happy and be a little less serious about life in general. although i was more than a little put off by the general hub-bub and the activities at my first meeting, i was willing to come back and continued to do so, until that day when i finally got clean, made s decision to to do this recovery gig and allow myself to become part of that activity and mirth. however, i did see some members, and i still see some that are grim faced and just barely holding on to abstinence. i understand what they are going through, and i want to help, and depending on how well i know them i do offer my support. it is however, my experience that those members, especially those who have been clean a while, who find themselves in such a state are often neglecting what it is they need to do to become part of their recovery. without casting any more judgments, it seems that they have disqualified themselves from being more than they ever were, and allow themselves to wallow in the depths of misery and self-pity. i am not talking about those members who are new to the program, nor am i speaking about those members who are facing a challenge of life. no the members i am talking about are those who have some clean time, have tasted the rewards of staying clean just for today, but have somehow disconnected themselves from the group and the fellowship in general. for me, i know that i am not going to be happy every single moment of every single day, and that i am not going to want to attend a meeting from time to time. those periods of not wanting to be at any meetings, can stretch for days, weeks and months, but i still show up, and do my best to be a pert of the fellowship and the group that happened to form when the first reading was read. and what generally happens is that i leave the meeting feeling better and less like it was a waste of my time. i do this not be be some sort of shining example for those who see me, but rather because it is what i NEED to do, to maintain a life of recovery. and in the long run, i continue to get the gifts that only recovery can give, including a lighter spirit and the ability to be a part of those happy, active almost raucous bunch that seem to show up at every meeting. it is after all a conscious choice to be clean and to stay clean and most of all to live a program of recovery. anything less, for this addict, is death, and death is something that will comes soon enough without having its arrival hastened by me. it is after all another good day to be alive and clean!

∞ DT ∞