Blog entry for:

i know there is still work to do before i will be completely free of the barriers built by years of active addiction. living the life of isolation, behind the walls of distrust and fear of showing who i really am, kind of sounds like a **indy** film, where the protagonist spins down into a swirl of psychological angst, only to be redeemed in the end by someone who was always there but unseen and undetected by our hero. or perhaps the story of m,y active addiction, i will let you decide. for me, i see those walls as being the biggest barrier to my growth. the fear of revealing who and what i am, is still so overwhelming some days that i hide in a flurry of activity or service work. the trick of hiding in service, is that at least for a second i can keep you from seeing who i am, as my acts shine out more than my behavior. you know all about how i look, and if i look good you are not about to ask me if i feel good. or at least that is the working hypothesis.
i can go on and on, but i am starting out an hour behind this morning, i spent hours fellow-shipping after a meeting last night and at fifty-one, i needed some extra sleep this morning. so it goes…
suffice it to say, that this reading has inspired me to continue to take a risk or two and allow an addict or two inside my walls today, but first things first, time to go make the donuts!

∞ DT ∞