ฮฉ years of using people and allowing them to use me had taken their toll... ฮฉ
Posted: Sat, Jun 17, 2006 08:58:14 AM
...on my ability to trust anyone, myself included.
and that lack of trust still sort or permeates through all of my interactions today. i am not nearly as bad as i once was, i have learned to trust others and when i feel i am being used, or stepped on, i am assertive enough to let that person know what is going on. BUT, and it is a BIG ONE, there are people that i still keep at arm’s length, even though they have not done or said anything that alerts me to stand-up and let them know. i am still reserved about to whom and what i share. and i still have the ability to "ice" someone right out of my existence. i know that these behaviors are leftover survival techniques, and although they have yet to be removed, i cling to them dearly and tightly cling to them, just in case they need to be used in the here and now. the process of letting go of these particular behaviors is a long slow one for me.
the HOPE of my thinking today is, that although my walls still exist, they are much thinner, and i allow many more people all the way through. i am not locked in isolation behind them anymore, at least most of the time, and i am willing to do what ever it take to have them removed from me, at least right now while i am thinking about them!
and that lack of trust still sort or permeates through all of my interactions today. i am not nearly as bad as i once was, i have learned to trust others and when i feel i am being used, or stepped on, i am assertive enough to let that person know what is going on. BUT, and it is a BIG ONE, there are people that i still keep at arm’s length, even though they have not done or said anything that alerts me to stand-up and let them know. i am still reserved about to whom and what i share. and i still have the ability to "ice" someone right out of my existence. i know that these behaviors are leftover survival techniques, and although they have yet to be removed, i cling to them dearly and tightly cling to them, just in case they need to be used in the here and now. the process of letting go of these particular behaviors is a long slow one for me.
the HOPE of my thinking today is, that although my walls still exist, they are much thinner, and i allow many more people all the way through. i am not locked in isolation behind them anymore, at least most of the time, and i am willing to do what ever it take to have them removed from me, at least right now while i am thinking about them!
∞ DT ∞