Blog entry for:

i will feel safe and confident about asking that POWER to care for my will and life. well maybe i need to answer a few more questions, but it all boils down to, for me at least, being secure in the knowledge that there is a POWER that keeps me clean, and i am not IT!
i know i have written about how this process worked for me in the dark days of my early recovery, so i need not go into that today. i probably have written about my process across the course of this recovery gig. what i am hearing this morning is to write about the process of coming to believe as it is right her and right now. i feel that process is important as my decision to turn over my will and my life is dependent on that process.
so the first question that pops up, have’nt i finished my second step work? yes i have for this round of steps, BUT, for me, the process of coming to believe is a daily and even hourly affair. i have found that when i rest comfortably on my laurels, and take my belief for granted i end-up in trouble, over and over and over again. it is my task to keep that process fresh and alive by seeking the evidence to add to my pile, that there is a POWER that keeps me clean, and that i am safe to turn my will and my life over to the care of that POWER. the face, exact nature, abilities, the relative size and strength of that POWER, are inconsequential to me, as a result of this process. so the next question that begs asking, is where is my FAITH, if i keep seeking evidence? well for me, the rationalist, there has to be an accommodation between the mundane and the divine. my FAITH lies in the fact that once again, i woke up, admitted my powerlessness and chose to recover just for today. it is strengthened by the evidence i collect across my day, and that collection process allows me to be more grateful. that gratitude provides the will for me to make the decision to surrender my will and my life into the nebulous concept, that is the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN.
yeah i know, a mental trick or three to lull my intellect into allowing my emotions to carry me into places that are really unexplainable. BUT it works for me, and i am grateful i can make it happen. i do know where using will take me, and i prefer not to have to go down that road, at least today. so off to the mext task for this day and into the real world.

∞ DT ∞