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that works for me. i can begin that search with prayer and meditation. the freedom to pick and choose can be very overwhelming at times. in fact i have a sponsee, who has been stuck in this particular process for nearly a year, and i can empathize, as i was stuck here too! the long and brutal path to this understanding is an old story and one i have retold countless times. so since i do not feel like writing just to write this morning, i can summarize the highlights. a borrowed God, Santa God, God in a box, the fellowship, the program and finally a HIGHER POWER that defies any definition. i seem to be back where i was when i started, HOWEVER, appearances can be deceiving. i am quite comfortable with my understanding today, or perhaps better put, lack of understanding. that allows me to live freely and make choices based on spiritual values without expectation of reward or even better without expectation of punishment, either in the here or now, or in the vast space of what happens once i shuffle off this mortal coil. there is HOPE in that i can live the best i can live today. there is HOPE in that i need not rationalize or justify the inherent evil in the world and why a loving God would allow such misery. there is HOPE in that today i understand a bit better the web of life that i am part of, and that tomorrow that understanding can grow a bit more. most of all, there is HOPE that just for today, i can live without having to use, and be the man i have always wanted to be. consciously not defining places no limits on my belief and creates a manner of living that allows me to do the next right thing, just because it is the next right thing to do. all of that and more is what the creative freedom to seek a POWER GREATER than myself allows me to do today, and for that i am grateful.
i can state quite plainly, that having that sort of freedom and having to discover for myself what concept of a HIGHER POWER works for me, scared me sh!tless from the first time i ever heard that concept way back when. from time to time,. it still does, after all, i want everything neatly packaged, wrapped up nicely and presented to me whole, three words i dread hearing are: SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED!
anyhow, i have some work to get done today, so it is off into the real world i go, to see what i can accomplish.

∞ DT ∞