Blog entry for:

no matter how many times i read or heard this phrase, i still was a victim of my pride and what i perceived as the prejudice of my peers. i have documented my decade and a half journey to finding a path that fits me, many times in the past, so this morning i do not need to go there again. just for today, i have been freed from having to seek the acceptance of what i believe, from my peers and acquaintances in recovery. the onus therefore falls to me to allow them to be comfortable in their paths as well, even if i “think” they just chose the easier, softer way. i do not allow the men who call me their sponsor to shy from the process of finding what fits them, and for those who have never considered what their spiritual path may look like, the task seems daunting. after all if God looks like HE does in all those Bible books, why bother, the issue has been resolved by the powers that be. my task as a sponsor, is to give the men i sponsor an opportunity to find their spiritual path, even if it leads back to the same p[lace they started.
as i spoke with a peer yesterday, i realized that what he heard and how he interpreted what another of our peer shares about their concept was missing a crucial piece of information. when i explained what he had not heard, i realized, that until that very moment, i was in the dark about that as well. i had heard what our peer shared, but failed to properly process it. when i do not “get” something, most of the time it gets pushed down the stack, until i “have to” deal with it. what my “i will think about it tomorrow” process does for me, is allow things to shift into place and bring often disparate pieces of information and observations together in a way i could not imagine. that process is not subject to my biases, as i am not actively considering it and it often comes bubbling up to the surface as-if the “Voice of God” has suddenly reached me.
what popped of my stack this morning was not my despair of how long and twisted my journey to find a spiritual path was, but a bit of gratitude that oi persevered, rather than going with the flow. more than once i had come to believe that what i 𗾬felt” had to be wrong and the easier and softer way was to “surrender” to what i thought was the majority opinion. my “positive report” was that i was now one of the many, instead of finding a path to my unique understanding. when i finally came to a place of acceptance about who i was and the spiritual path that actually fit me, i no longer had to change the literature around to salve my fragile ego. i no longer had to alter the actual meaning of words to buttress my fragile ego. more importantly i could use the word GOD when sharing with my friends and peers, without cringing inside and feel like i was giving away part of myself.
these days i live in the real wo0rld and all around me i see so much closed-minded intolerant, deceitful entitlement, that i just want to go “off the grid” and let the world spin down into the mess the over-sensitized snowflakes of every political ilk, seems to be fostering. i can still think for myself and hearing an opposing opinion is not threatening to me or my notions of right or wrong. i wonder where it came from that i might needed to be “protected” from the thoughts of those whose ideas are not consistent with mine. i was educated to be skeptical of what someone shouts as the “TRUTH” and evaluate their claims with a bit of res]each and dispassionate thinking. i was taught to recognize all the semantic tricks of the trade and dismiss out of hand any argument that relies on them. it is not a bit of magical thinking, when the fellowship that brought me to this part of my life says that my path to a spiritual understanding is without any catches. i am not labelled as a “traitor” because i choose to disagree with someone over this issue. nor am i exiled to some foreign fellowship, because i choose top question the 𔃈party line.” i am glad that the fellowship i choose to get my recovery in, encourages me to think for myself, rather than goose-step with my peers in the blissful ignorance of someone telling my how and what to think, just for today.

∞ DT ∞