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today, i will examine my beliefs honestly and come to my own understanding of that POWER. well today i have reached a remarkable number of days clean. i am 6000 (six thousand) days past the day i last used. there comes a point in recovery, or at least in mine, where numbers with three or more zeros after them seem more significant that the double digits that tally up my years. the fact that someone like me, who came in skeptical, close-minded and more than a little resistant to any sort of discussion about spirituality, would be able to pile that number of days, is certainly more than a bit incredulous and beyond belief. what was once looked as an eighteen month “vacation” from using, has turned into just for another day way of life. where once i scoffed at those who would even argue about whether or not a deity existed, religious or atheist, both were beneath my contempt, to be expounding upon a POWER that fuels my recovery, is just as unbelievable. Jim Jones, has nothing on the Kool-Ade they serve in these rooms!
amazingly, i still retain my critical thinking skills. as this set of steps revealed, a strong sense of irony and yes even cynicism. and that is okay as well. as i get more and more days, i am amazed at how different i have become, despite my apparent lack of desire, way back when, today i am still doing this gig. despite my reluctance to embrace anything, today the program as written and passed down to me, through my sponsor lineage, is something i cling to dearly. foremost in this way of life, was me coming to accept that when the word “GOD” is used, it is not necessarily referring to the s Supreme Being, that i was brought up to love and fear, at least not for me. i have railed about the short-sightedness of other fellowships and the openness of mine when i comes to this issue, and although the reading says a borrowed concept, it also goes on to say will not work for very long. in plain language in black and white, there is the conscience of the addicts who compiled this particular piece of literature. i could go on, about what has worked for me, but i do have to get rolling on out of the house, to take care of a smoldering ember after a figurative fire last night. life is good and yes i do owe it to the POWER that fuels my recovery, because that POWER is what keeps me clean, today, and for that i am grateful.

∞ DT ∞