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and without any catches. because i have this right, it is necessary to be honest about my belief system if i am to grow spiritually.
although i am certainly a BIG fan of this particular aspect of the program, there are times when i feel the whole HIGHER POWER concept is being shoved down my throat, even though over and over again i have heard that it is up to me. i know that this feeling is my stuff reacting to the stuff of others. i also know that when i am politically correct fellowship-wise, i am the one doing the shoving. so to set the record straight -- right here and right now i am of the opinion that NO MATTER WHAT you and i have the RIGHT to a HIGHER POWER of our own understanding, including the right to NOT HAVE ONE AT ALL!
there i said it, while that is not the case in my belief system, it does eliminate a part of the dogma that clutters my acceptance of what is and is not the manner in which to recover. i have , over time come to realize that there is only a single absolute requirement for membership -- THE DESIRE TO STAY CLEAN. today i have that desire and as a result i am willing to advance to the next level, the primary suggestion, that i adhere to total abstinence from all mind and mood altering substances, which i can do today. from there everything else, suggested or otherwise flow. for me there is no need to equivocate at this place, because i do not have to deal with illness and the medical profession today. there is no need to spin what is and is not part of the definition of all…
the next suggestion, is that i find a POWER GREATER THAN MY ADDICTION, that is loving and caring. here is where i got tripped up. where i started my recovery at, it seemed that this was more than a suggestion, it was actually a requirement and one that had a very definite identity, no matter how much lip service was paid to discovering my own concept. that fellowship, as i have said before nearly killed me, not for anything that was wanting there, i am certain today it was something wanting within me. this whole you can search for your own BUT… paradigm, was part of why i never quite connected there, and i am grateful that they led me to this fellowship and created within me the need to seek out a different modality of recovery. here too, i felt the pressure to conform with the whole HIGHER POWER gig, and yet in words and in deed, this fellowship took great pains to eliminate any sort of referral towards a certain concept or system of belief. while the word GOD was used, it was made clear that its use was a convenience and not a requirement, and when in the course of my step work, the time comes for me to once again get in touch with my version of this concept, i can quite comfortably see where i have been, and where i may be going to arrive at a solution that works for me in the here and now, NO STRINGS ATTACHED!
as the weather has taken care of clearing the snow and ice from the streets, it is time for me to trot around the neighborhood. i am quite certain that is part of the will of my concept of a HIGHER POWER for me today. the rest? well more will be revealed, all i have to do is let go and listen.

∞ DT ∞