Blog entry for:

intoxication with my own thoughts and way of thinking. WOW, quite a statement and one that smacked up side my head this morning as i pondered my source material. even though this is not the first time i ran across this material in my annual cycle, this morning it seemed especially apt, for reasons beyond my ken. it seems to be the best description of self-obsession, for me anyhow, than i have ever considered. being caught up in my needs, wants, desires and expectations of myself and others, leads to a path where i see nothing outside of my immediate myself. i stop caring about how my actions may affect others and the effects of those actions on my emotional and spiritual balance. i am a runaway train, whose brakes have failed. taking the time out to consider what else is going on and yes, even reaching out to someone else, may be just what i need to stop the inevitable and possibly fatal outcome. yeah, i know a bit over the top, but that is who i am. at times i need to live in a bit of hyperbole in order to find a path back to sanity.
i have been dilly-dallying on my step work because i was not quite sure how to approach “coming to believe,” when i have no need to change any part of my spiritual path. what i see this morning, however, it is not about changing my spiritual path, as that is the forest, it is more about seeing the trees, specifically, what parts of me am i am not able to believe can be restored to a saner path and how that might be brought about. i know it may sound as if i am splitting hairs here, but the intoxication of what i believe, whether or not is is accurate, is certainly driving my self-obsession these days.
the other thing on my mind today, is how the anniversary of a martyr's death has become the greeting card holiday for romance and love, expropriating Greek mythology, as its symbol. it is no wonder that i often look at the culture and traditions of the society in which i live with such confusion. what i do know, however, that as part of this society i willingly show love to those in my life, honoring this day, without any reservations. in fact, fort so many years, i had no love in my life, because i had lost the capacity to give and receive love. addiction, stripped that from me, and as i recovery, i cherish the stuff that has come back. sure, it is tough to love, be in love and love myself, but what i get is worth more than the effort i put into it, not unlike writing my step work. just for today, i will express my love through my selfless self and allow the world to spin as it will.

∞ DT ∞