๐ freeing myself ๐
Posted: Sun, Apr 6, 2025 12:26:08 PM
to live according to my convictions. well,when i sat this morning, i was all about just for two days from now, as i read the wrong entry. sitting down to pound this out, i had to do a bit of consideration of which way to go. i can say that it was not my best dip into the pool of conscious contact this morning, so choosing to improvise with this topic, is probably a good thing. i can also say that when my source material gets around to what i read, in two days, i will hopefully be better prepared to listen. anything i write today, is certainly off-the-cuff and probably need to be taken with a huge grain of salt.
the principles i lived by, when i was in active addiction and certainly while i was in mere abstinence, were all centered around, me, myself and i. it was all about getting what i wanted, when i wanted it and any delay or roadblocks were meant to be battered through, until i achieved my desire. to say i was single-minded would be an understatement, obsessed hits closer to the mark. spending fifteen or so years, wandering the spiritual desert to find the path that “fit” me was certainly something i had to go through. i am fortunate that i had enough FAITH in the program and the notion i could use a HIGHER POWER, long before i found the “one.” i stayed clean. i worked steps. i went to meetings. i sponsored men. i learned to let go and i allowed myself the freedom to seek whatever it was that i “had” to find. i found what i needed to and i am more than hopeful that the POWER that fuels my recovery can and may even restore me to sanity.
just for today, i am grateful that i could meet with my sponse yesterday and even though i forgot my notebook, i knew the nature of my insanity. oddly enough, i actually got invited out to a meeting this evening, to help him celebrate thirty-three years of clean time. it has been a long minute, since anyone invited me anywhere, and it feels good. maybe, just maybe i am figuring out how to be less socially retarded and fitting a bit better into society and my fellowship or this may just be a one-off. i hope it is the former and not the latter, just for right now.
the principles i lived by, when i was in active addiction and certainly while i was in mere abstinence, were all centered around, me, myself and i. it was all about getting what i wanted, when i wanted it and any delay or roadblocks were meant to be battered through, until i achieved my desire. to say i was single-minded would be an understatement, obsessed hits closer to the mark. spending fifteen or so years, wandering the spiritual desert to find the path that “fit” me was certainly something i had to go through. i am fortunate that i had enough FAITH in the program and the notion i could use a HIGHER POWER, long before i found the “one.” i stayed clean. i worked steps. i went to meetings. i sponsored men. i learned to let go and i allowed myself the freedom to seek whatever it was that i “had” to find. i found what i needed to and i am more than hopeful that the POWER that fuels my recovery can and may even restore me to sanity.
just for today, i am grateful that i could meet with my sponse yesterday and even though i forgot my notebook, i knew the nature of my insanity. oddly enough, i actually got invited out to a meeting this evening, to help him celebrate thirty-three years of clean time. it has been a long minute, since anyone invited me anywhere, and it feels good. maybe, just maybe i am figuring out how to be less socially retarded and fitting a bit better into society and my fellowship or this may just be a one-off. i hope it is the former and not the latter, just for right now.
∞ DT ∞