ฮด i was probably assured, that if i just kept coming back, i would see โฆ
Posted: Tue, Apr 28, 2009 10:41:12 AM
anyone with whom i had problem get better. that made sense to me. i believe that the steps worked in the lives of everyone. if they could work for me, they could work for any horrible person, too.
what i did not realize then, was it was me who was changing. sure everyone who works the steps and lives a program gets better. i see this change all the time. what i am blind to, is the change that is manifest in my life through the same process. these days, i understand that and i accept that as fact. after all, what used to send me off the deep end, no longer does, well not as much as it used to. i am struck this morning by something i said to a sponsee last night. that it is quite natural to have no control over my feelings, after all, emotions are just a reaction to some outside stimulus, what i have learned to have control over, is how i react to those feelings. the example i used was not a very good one last night, and i regret using it, this one would have been much better, but there are times when i just have to accept what comes to mind and go with the flow.
so anyhow, i am way off schedule this morning, do not know what happened to the universe over night, but it certainly does not feel the same as it did when i went to sleep last night. the amazing part is that i am not stressing over things that are far form being in my control. i am doing what is in front of me, and altering my life and my plan to fit the new reality as it appears this morning.
so it once again back to the grindstone with the hope that i too can continue to get better, and become more tolerant of those with whom i have problems, life i far too short to live in resentment and anger today.
what i did not realize then, was it was me who was changing. sure everyone who works the steps and lives a program gets better. i see this change all the time. what i am blind to, is the change that is manifest in my life through the same process. these days, i understand that and i accept that as fact. after all, what used to send me off the deep end, no longer does, well not as much as it used to. i am struck this morning by something i said to a sponsee last night. that it is quite natural to have no control over my feelings, after all, emotions are just a reaction to some outside stimulus, what i have learned to have control over, is how i react to those feelings. the example i used was not a very good one last night, and i regret using it, this one would have been much better, but there are times when i just have to accept what comes to mind and go with the flow.
so anyhow, i am way off schedule this morning, do not know what happened to the universe over night, but it certainly does not feel the same as it did when i went to sleep last night. the amazing part is that i am not stressing over things that are far form being in my control. i am doing what is in front of me, and altering my life and my plan to fit the new reality as it appears this morning.
so it once again back to the grindstone with the hope that i too can continue to get better, and become more tolerant of those with whom i have problems, life i far too short to live in resentment and anger today.
∞ DT ∞