ยฟ as i practice the program, i gain a whole new outlook ?
Posted: Sun, Apr 28, 2013 08:58:53 AM
on those around me by gaining a new outlook on myself.
well it does feel good to be back home and sitting in front of my computer writing this, this morning. vacation was wonderful and i really cannot believe that there was a time in my life when i thought permanently enforced relaxation was something i would want as part of my life. yes, i used to dream about being a member of the idle rich, with the emphasis on both parts, ides, as in not having to work and rich, so i could enjoy being idle. ah those were the days, when all i had to stress over, was where i was going g to get my next fix from, how i was going to obtain it, and what would i have to do, to do so. work and earning money was just part of that equation and the ironic part was, there was never enough of anything, especially when i was on vacation.
sitting here, on this die of that line in the sand, it all looks so ludicrous to me now, i wonder how a person like me, that has a bit of intelligence and a bit of street smarts,, could get caught in such a heinous trap and sucked down to the lowest part of his life. all the while being so fVcking clueless about what his life really looked like. yes a bit of remorse to chew on this morning as i finally get back to the point i was going to make.
this is one of those readings that i can honestly say i “like,” even from the very beginning, as it gave me the smallest bit of HOPE, when HOPE was hard for me to find. the irony of everyone else getting better as i did, never escaped me, and it was the HOPE of me getting better that finally drove my program of recovery from FEAR based to HOPE based. of course i want to get better and i really do not give two hoots, if anyone else does as well. as cynical as that sounds, if i start to really desire that everyone gets this and gets better i will end up bitter and disappointed. desire, for me, leads to all sorts of untenable situations and needs to be held in check. yes i desired those a$$holes who chided me about spilling more than i ever drank, to shut the fVck up and actually say something that would help. you know what, i got better, realized i had grown beyond the scope of their recovery program and found one that presented me with an unlimited opportunities for growth. yes i desired a college education, a career that i loved, money in the bank, and the ability top love and be loved, and as i grew, as i learned to practice a program of active recovery, i GOT all of that and so much more. those others? well, i no longer care about how sloppy they were in their days of active addiction, i HOPE that they too, are learning how to recover, just for today. just like me, i know that the answer is before them, and just like me, they can get as well as they want to, one day at a time,. all they have to do, is walk the path they are walking, practice their program of recovery, actively in their daily lives and voilà, they will get what i have got, way of living that is beyond my wildest dreams.
so off to get the dawg, put some money in the bank, clean up the only bit of work i have to do today and see what trouble i can avoid, by doing the next right thing! be well my friends, i am certainly going to do my best to do the same.
well it does feel good to be back home and sitting in front of my computer writing this, this morning. vacation was wonderful and i really cannot believe that there was a time in my life when i thought permanently enforced relaxation was something i would want as part of my life. yes, i used to dream about being a member of the idle rich, with the emphasis on both parts, ides, as in not having to work and rich, so i could enjoy being idle. ah those were the days, when all i had to stress over, was where i was going g to get my next fix from, how i was going to obtain it, and what would i have to do, to do so. work and earning money was just part of that equation and the ironic part was, there was never enough of anything, especially when i was on vacation.
sitting here, on this die of that line in the sand, it all looks so ludicrous to me now, i wonder how a person like me, that has a bit of intelligence and a bit of street smarts,, could get caught in such a heinous trap and sucked down to the lowest part of his life. all the while being so fVcking clueless about what his life really looked like. yes a bit of remorse to chew on this morning as i finally get back to the point i was going to make.
this is one of those readings that i can honestly say i “like,” even from the very beginning, as it gave me the smallest bit of HOPE, when HOPE was hard for me to find. the irony of everyone else getting better as i did, never escaped me, and it was the HOPE of me getting better that finally drove my program of recovery from FEAR based to HOPE based. of course i want to get better and i really do not give two hoots, if anyone else does as well. as cynical as that sounds, if i start to really desire that everyone gets this and gets better i will end up bitter and disappointed. desire, for me, leads to all sorts of untenable situations and needs to be held in check. yes i desired those a$$holes who chided me about spilling more than i ever drank, to shut the fVck up and actually say something that would help. you know what, i got better, realized i had grown beyond the scope of their recovery program and found one that presented me with an unlimited opportunities for growth. yes i desired a college education, a career that i loved, money in the bank, and the ability top love and be loved, and as i grew, as i learned to practice a program of active recovery, i GOT all of that and so much more. those others? well, i no longer care about how sloppy they were in their days of active addiction, i HOPE that they too, are learning how to recover, just for today. just like me, i know that the answer is before them, and just like me, they can get as well as they want to, one day at a time,. all they have to do, is walk the path they are walking, practice their program of recovery, actively in their daily lives and voilà, they will get what i have got, way of living that is beyond my wildest dreams.
so off to get the dawg, put some money in the bank, clean up the only bit of work i have to do today and see what trouble i can avoid, by doing the next right thing! be well my friends, i am certainly going to do my best to do the same.
∞ DT ∞