Blog entry for:

practice tolerance. man what a bit of irony i find myself in today. because i showed a little bit of concern to an on again off again peer, now i have been asked to help him find someone to co-sign his bond. it will cost them, nothing, monetarily but i am unsure of what their obligations may be. the ironic part? i have never really liked this guy and most of the time, i kind of wish he would leave me alone. now i am his newest BFF, and wondering how desperate he must be, to take a few acts of kindness and blow them up into something they are not. i will put this out here once and for all,
IF ANYONE IS WILLING TO CO-SIGN A BOND FOR A REPEAT MEMBER, CONTACT ME, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.
what really sucks, is that i am so well, i will actually do a bit of looking around for someone that may be willing!
as i have worked the steps and walked the program of recovery in the single fellowship, i have seen many of my peers come and go. some of them get it, finally, after being incarcerated and pounded into dust. some, however, do not and seem to be stuck in the revolving door of the justice system. i can never tell who is really serious, and who is just doing a countdown. unfortunately, it seems that very few, ever seem to break that cycle, so once again, here i am championing an addict, who i have never been able to tolerate, hoping that maybe this time. the worst part of perhaps this is where the irony really lies, is that i am okay doing a bit of footwork for him, but i am hardly going to put my life on hold and pound the streets looking for someone to get him out of the hole he put himself in to. i want to come to his rescue and yet i want to him to sit and stew. so who is the sick one here?
almost everything i know about myself and how things work, seems to be leading to a more tolerant me, one who still makes a judgement or three, but keeps them to himself, and does the next right thing, because it feels right and not because of how it makes me look. as much as i want to use this as an example of being better, i know better. i feel that no act of kindness goes unpunished and i am being driven into a lesson to treat my peers and fellow travelers with a bit more respect and kindness, regardless of how i have seen them in the past. i am being dragged, kicking and screaming, into becoming a better version of me, and as i finally accept that, i can find some peace. i may not be a believer in pre-destiny or “everything happens for a reason,” but i am learning to accept that there is a flow to my life, and i made a choice that has opened a door that i now need to walk through.
what will happen next? well for me, the next right thing, is to hop in a shower and head on down to work. life is good on two legs and on this side of the grass.

∞ DT ∞