Blog entry for:

new outlook on myself, which has started to include a bit of understanding and compassion for those with whom i have developed an issue or two.
yesterday as i stumbled across the two resentments i had so readily crafted, i was shocked that i could be so petty and shallow. the fact is, what others do or do not do in their recovery, does not affect the course of my recovery. i have told the men i sponsor more that once that i was not going to be the one who used if they did not work the steps. what i have told them applies to me as well. building a resentment over how others choose to live their program only damages me. as i start to wake up to the fact that i am more sick than i want to admit, i GET to make some progress in my life. am i ready to write out that THIRD STEP? not quite yet, but i am fast approaching that brink.
one thing that is weighing heavily on my mind, is my obsession with getting “fitter.” over the past year i have adopted fitness program that has become very obsessive. in fact i have had a few days “off” over the course of the past year, but never any really planned days off. yesterday, as i walking for part one of my daily workout, i came to the conclusion that maybe i needed a week off. seven days of letting my body heal and recuperate, but had not come to any decision, in fact i was trying to justify not taking any days off. then as i was having one of my best runs in years, i fell and decorated the right side of my body with a bit of road rash and some bruising. what i came to see was that i was ignoring what my body has been telling me the past week 🢂 TAKE SOME TIME OFF, YOU F*CKING IDIOT! i tripped because plantar fasciitis, is affecting my gait and was trying to train through the pain. what i “heard”. is that i have grown enough, lost enough weight, and inches to take a break for seven whole days and see how i feel when i get rolling again next Sunday. i can let go of my obsession and be okay with a reduced level of effort, as i do need to take care of myself, before i end up not being able to ever work out again. i am, after all, no longer a twenty, thirty or forty something.
i do have to end this now, as i have many miles to go today, before i sleep. it is a good day to be clean and to be present for those in my life, who have grown accustomed to me being here. as i travel the open road of recovery today and the miles of I-25 there and back again, i can be certain that IF i allow muyself to see others as i want them to see me, that i will be better off, just for today.

∞ DT ∞