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i have to admit that this is one of my favorite readings. it is true, that there have been peers in the rooms i found odious for one reason or another. it is also true, that as i got **better** i learned to see accept who they were, exactly as they are and had less of a **negative** reaction to them. that makes total sense, yes they may be getting better, but it is my progress through recovery that changes what i feel and think about those i encounter.
what i heard this morning was not about them, or even about how i have grown into the person i am these days, it was all about reactions to the stimulus of my life. at work, i volunteered to take on a project last week, to take something off the plate of the developers and today i have a meeting about it, even though it is done and ready to be code-reviewed. the project is going away in thirteen months and the dev team has all sorts of projects to get out the door, before they are shown the door. i thought my offer would be accepted, and perhaps it will be, BUT now i have a meeting at 2:30 in the afternoon, when i wanted to be done with work for the day. my first thought, and it might be quite wrong, is why would that team hold on so tightly to something that i developed from their previous work? are they trying to hold on for dear life, by making themselves indispensable? i considered that among many of the possibilities, but it does not matter. my work has been put into the time tracker, they can take it for leave it and i will move on. on that note, i am in the same boat as they are. i may last a bit longer at my current company, but the end is in sight. two opportunities for a move, landed in my inbox this morning, one that i am quite qualified for and the other not so much. i responded to the both of them and the one that is a good fit, may actually be something i want to pursue. more will be revealed on that front. based on the manner in which my company is treating myself and my team members, i will cut and run, the second i get an offer that is decent. i have absolutely no loyalty to a company that breaks it “contract” with me. the nice part of all of this, is i have a paycheck coming in, so i can take my time, evaluate any and all offers that roll into my life and choose the one that fits me the best. i am ready to take a 100% remote position, but unwilling to take a position with a company that does not treat its employees with respect. i am not willing to drive forty-five minutes a day even three days a week, after i get trained and on-boarded. as the days pass and my expiration date comes closer, that may change as well.
so i guess there are a few issues simmering under the apparently calm waters of my life. i think that here and now, i will get my workout togs on, take a minute to tell my team i am off to the streets and see how i feel after a few miles. i do know this, i am glad i am clean and have learned that those i find odious, are probably doing the best they can and i need to let go of my stuff, to allow them to be who they are.

∞ DT ∞