Blog entry for:

...some moments to spend time with my concept of a Higher Power. i can begin to reflect on what will benefit my program of spiritual growth most in the coming day. okay, i have read this more than once, and i have been doing a TENTH STEP inventory for quite some time now, but this morning i finally get this. i know that it is because of how i completed my last formal TENTH STEP work, and what my sponsor suggested that has begun to open my eyes about the nature of my inventory at the end of my day, and the power of meditation at times i had not considered, like in the evening as part of my TENTH STEP.
so as i sit here this morning, drinking my daily cuppa go, i am struck about how blind i can be to certain aspects of the program. not that i am striking myself with my proverbial baseball bat, just struck about how this reading dovetails so nicely with the direction of my program. when i was given the assignment to combine mediation with inventory, i truly though my sponsor was nuts. not only that, i wondered whether or not he had slipped a gasket due to stress. but because i trust him, and because i want to get through today without using, i took up this assignment, without further reservations or angst.
at first i felt like i was not really doing an inventory, i was just sitting there in quiet contemplation and i accepted that perhaps Carlos had slipped off the edge after all. as the days went by, and i got comfortable with the merged actions, i found that i was actually doing a better inventory than i ever has done before. answering a list of questions, whether it is in my head or on paper, is the journeyman sort of work i needed at one time, but i am moving beyond that, not to some sort of master recovery guy, to follow the analogy, but to something more than a journeyman recovery guy, whatever that may be. as i grow, what i do continues to change, and as that changes i continue to grow and become more and more like the man i have envisioned and less and less like the man i was when i got clean.
this particular exercise is continuing to alter my feelings and even when i just go through the motions, like i was doing when i first started trying this form out, i get something that helps end my day with the assurance that i am on the right track. so off to the streets for a quick, brisk walk and into my busy day. i will however carry this thought with me, i am moving in the correct direction these days, despite any outward appearances to the contrary.

∞ DT ∞