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the POWER that fuels my recovery wants for me tomorrow? for me, trying to determine what is and what is not the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery is always a tricky proposition. my problem is, that my needs and desires gets tangled in with everything i am seeing, feeling and experiencing, which cause me to misinterpret or reinterpret those events to fit into what i think i may want.
do not want to let go of my character defects? tell myself that GOD says those defects are assets! don't like the content of what someone shares at a meeting? tell myself that GOD put them there, top teach me how not to share.
the list goes on and on, everything i want or think, whether or not in line with the spiritual principles of the program, can be swept under the rug, with just a bit of prestidigitation and rationalized away under the guise of that must be the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery. i do not believe that i am unique in this, nor do i believe that this something only addicts do. how many injustices are performed daily, under the guise of religion and GOD? the fact that it is practiced worldwide on a daily basis, however, does nothing to diminish my need to eliminate it in myself. this is one of the many things, that actually block me from becoming the person i was intended to be. what is and what is not reality, at least for me, is not really up for debate. what i want and what i need, certainly is! i can be oblivious to trying to discover a glimpse of the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery, because it is the safer and certainly easier way to go, and as a result, i stay trapped in the very behaviors and attitudes that brought me to my knees all those days ago. so asking myself, “what is it about today, i would change if given the choice,” is certainly a good thing. asking myself ”where did i grow today,” is not a bad question either. adding questions like these to my TENTH STEP, would certainly be a good step forward. trying to suss out what is and what is not self-will vs the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery, may also be a good start, as long as i do not stray too far afield, from the task at hand.
as i start to get towards the end of this exercise this morning, i see what could be the bad examples of how i could behave, being highlighted and seem to concentrate less and less and those examples that are part of my vision for myself, less and less. quite honestly, like many others, i often fear that the man i am becoming will be boring and dull, as i have boring and dull for long enough in my life. so today, letting go of the FEAR that my vision for who i want to be, may not align with that of the POWER that fuels my recovery, is certainly something to take away with me this morning as i head on over to work and earn my daily bread. it is a great day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞