Blog entry for:

twenty-four hours is certainly an interesting slice of time for me to consider, especially since i got all bent out of shape about what one of my peers shared three days ago. what i did not want to share at the meeting yesterday was that i was **triggered** by a story that haunted me for the first fifteen years of my recovery. looking at my reaction to an innocuous statement, stripped of all context and taken as a personal affront to me, i could see yesterday, that it was all about distracting me from the uncertainty i feel, as i wait for the results of my biopsy. the world is against me, GOD's plan for me is to be miserably sick and any reservations i once thought i had dealt with, are popping up all over the place. as i looked at my actions and my feelings last night, i still was full of angst and conflict, leading to a less than satisfactory night of sleep. as i sat and listened this morning, i felt that i am making a mountain out of this molehill and letting go and being okay with not knowing, is a task i can set my mind to. the time has come to practice a bit of FAITH and allow what will be, to be.
i am not sure what else i need to put down in bits and bytes this morning. i have worn myself out with worry and anxiety, but still have the desire to stay clean, one more day. i have a long day before me, some letters to write, late night work to prepare for and a need to pound some steps out, in the early morning light. i guess it is a good day to be clean and i can certainly start with the fact that, just for today, i ham alive and capable of making choices and decisions that will affect my in a manner that fosters my growth into the person i have always wanted to be. for right now, that is more than enough.

∞ DT ∞