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in what parts of my life do i really want to grow? some days, i can safely say NOWHERE, as i am quite content the way i am today, thank you very, very much! other days, EVERYWHERE, as i lower than a sea cucumber that lives on the bottom of the Mariana Trench. it is a good thing, that i very rarely stay at either of those extreme, as it once was quite a chore to live swinging between them. although my wild swings between the extremes of my self-image have ceased, that does not mean that somehow i am exempt from looking at and for, areas within my life, physical, emotional and spiritual, where i could use some growth, even though i resist the notion of any sort of change, as a matter of fact. as i sat listening to my peer sharing last night, i could not help to think about why i no am comfortable hearing any sort of the “mess,” anymore. the conclusion that i came to, as i sat with my daily inventory last night, is it makes me uncomfortable to trip the light fantastic to my feelings or lack thereof, in those days between my first meeting and the day i finally became a member. oh i share quite frequently about what i thought and how i acted, but very rarely do i share about what it was i was feeling, other than the rage against the justice machine that sat me in these rooms, all those days ago. the fact is, that i have done a pretty good job at blocking out all memories of those feelings, in that once upon a time. my amazing magnifying mind has replaced those memories with pat stories of what i did and a slick presentation about how “bad” it once was for me. the ultimate fake news manufacturing plant!
it is not as if, this morning, all of a sudden, i have had a return of those buried feelings, but there certainly has been something going on, as a result of this last set of steps. when my tolerance for the bullsh!t of my peers and fellow travelers sinks to nearly nonexistent, than i know that change it be a-coming and hold on to my knickers, as it may just blow me away. the reading suggests that as p[art of my daily inventory i sit and listen for the word of the POWER that fuels my recovery, about where i need change, and to welcome the answers i get, into my life. i may not quite be there, yet, but that day is upon me.
time to pack this in, and head on out on this still snowy morning to see what i can accomplish for those who pay my wages, just for today.

∞ DT ∞