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i can settle my insecurities by reviewing the Third Tradition, which assures me that **the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using.**
i do however love the caveat that if i want the kind of recovery i see from members that i respect THAN I MUST WORK THE KIND OF PROGRAM THAT THEY HAVE WORKED. i see that, and have been taught that from the very beginning of my recovery. i also understand that their programs are only the springboard into the program that keeps me clean, allows me to thrive, and actually get better. it amazes the number of addicts who come in these days, and assume that somehow they are different, if they just go to meetings they will get all the gifts, and that they can work the steps by memorizing and chanting them at will. perhaps they are right, and for me to say anything more is judgmental and changes the focus of this little exercise off of me, and on to one of the members who behavior allows me to see lessons in what i do not wish to become. yes, i know that is a shift in the language i have been using -- object lesson would have been a whole lot shorter and just as accurate, but i am trying to member that these are people also, and whether or not i approve of their behavior is irrelevant, except that i do not want to do what they do, think what they think or have their brand of recovery. the converse of the thesis presented in the reading today. IF i do not want to have the sort of recovery i see in the members who are part of my life, i can choose to do something different. quite honestly, i happen to like the sort of recovery i have. it is true i go through various phases, times when all i want to do is whine, times when i so fVcking grumpy that nobody wants to be around me, times when i am elated and overjoyed and times when i am on a even keel and feel calm and serene. all of those times are a reflection on the depth of a program that i choose or do not choose to work. it is a choice because the only requirement for membership is…
so it is off to the showers to scrape off the night dirt and the accumlated sweat on my brow, with this thought in mind. i do DO have POWER over the sort of recovery i want to have today.

∞ DT ∞