Blog entry for:

bring with me, on a daily basis, is the desire to stop using and the willingness to try this new way of life. neither of which i had when i got clean and spent those eighteen or so months in a state of mere abstinence. i have come quite a distance from that stance in the minute i have been clean and actually living a program of recovery. still, even after being clean for a bit of time, the only requirement to stay, has not changed. every single day, before my feet hit the floor, i admit my powerlessness over addiction, ask for the power to stay clean today and reaffirm my desire to not use anything, just for today. if i were one to believe in fate, predestination or miracles, i could say that the daily miracle of having the desire to live a program of active recovery, may actually be something i was “chosen” to do. i am, however, not in that camp at all. it is true that i am powerless over addiction and that i stay clean on a daily basis through the power given to me from the POWER that fuels my recovery, as i choose to call IT. i do not need to define what that POWER may or may not be to surrender my will and my life into ITs care. i just “know” this to be true for me.
anyhow, not a whole lot going on. i got a call yesterday from a dermatologist that told me i had a melanoma on my head and that i need to go see and oncologist. not the best way to end my week, but certainly a telling one. i am adjusting to the news better than i did about my prostate cancer, but that “black box” will bother me until i find out more. this weekend i will do some work to get some extra hours in, just in case i have to trip down to Denver to see the doctor. i am okay, and will continue to live my life, just as i did yesterday, as i walk in the FAITH that i will have the tools to do what i need to do, to stay clean and continue to foster my desire to be clean, just for today.

∞ DT ∞