Blog entry for:

the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using.
ah, one of the apparent loopholes, i need to work the program that is best for me and not someone else. while that is quite true, and it is also true that no one can kick me out of the fellowship for working or not working a program, IF i want what those who have gone before me have, then i must follow their suggestions. so there really is no loophole, merely an out if i choose to use it.
my experience has been that i really have no idea about how to live life from day to day. i have a few clues, and a few tools, but without the guidance of my sponsor, and those whom i share my recovery with, i am doomed to keep doing what i have always done. that sounds like quite an insane idea and some days insanity is what i want. somewhere i was told or came to believe that i would never get any better than i ever was. that lie is what allows me to sponsor myself, ignore what others are trying to tell me, and choose to act-out on my most unsavory behaviors.
am i willing to stay sick today? well not really. there is way too much life happening today, recovery has allowed me to enjoy what comes my way, handle the bumps in the road and become more that i ever was. the lie that i will never be anything more can be exploded by the evidence at hand. i have not had to use any substances for a bit of time, i have fulfilled some of my once forgotten dreams, i can be responsible to do what i need to do, and if i choose to ignore what others are telling me, i can accept the consequences. i enjoy my life today, i am coming to accept that i am just another human being, and best of all i can be present for life in th erecovery lane, regardless of the speed of life in that lane today. so back to work, so i can enjoy some time with my company today.

∞ DT ∞