โง what is it โง
Posted: Wed, Jun 8, 2016 07:39:57 AM
that may make me a **bad** member?
just a little bit of a salacious seed to get rolling. the good news is, there is only ONE requirement for membership, the DESIRE to stop using, so under that umbrella, i can never be a **bad** member. that was the quick way around and i could, if i chose to, leave it there. i chose, however to go beyond that and talk about how i arrived at that conclusion.
of course, no one can kick me out for being foul-mouthed, abusive or divisive. they can however choose not to have anything to do with me, just like anyone else put into tough social situations. being a member, however, is not the same as being part of the fellowship. just because i cannot be kicked out of a meeting or have my membership “revoked,” does not mean that the other members are going to fall all over themselves to include me in their activities outside of the meetings. they are under no obligation to invite me out for dinner, ice cream, bowling, BBQs or just hanging out. it is this fact that has tripped up more than a few of my friends. of course, since they do not invite me out, they all must be haters, and i should just go hang with the people i know who will allow me to be with them, my using buddies.
the fact that being a member does not automatically make one socially acceptable or even likeable, is a hard one for many to swallow. i can say that generally, those in the local fellowship, do reach out to the FNGs and include them in all those outside activities, at least for a while. it is their own behavior, the FNG not the fellowship, that determines how long that particular grace period is extended, as the newest of the new are often the most abrasive, arrogant and prickly.
so what if anything, is my obligation to those who are always the newest of the new? am i a “bad” member of i do not open my wallet, my home my car and my heart to every single potential member that walked into the door, even if it is there 99th time trying this gig out? that is where the only requirement applies to me. i can CHOOSE to be generous with my money, my time, and my resources. what i do not CHOOSE is to be stingy with my recovery, after all, i can only keep what i have…
yes it is a good thing that the only requirement applies to members with a bit of time, as well as those who are just walking into the rooms. it is also a relief that i am not kicked out for not liking everyone in the rooms, as well. honestly, i may not be one of those who rushes up and mugs the newcomer with attention and the gift of recovery, but i am certainly one of those who will give them what i have without any strings attached. i believe that everyone deserves the chance to recover and make the decision of whether or not to become a member themselves.
the part that irks me a bit though, is this blanket also covers the recovery thieves, who show up once a year to celebrate their clean time and get a chip. these are often members who have decades clean and who crow about how wonderful the program is, and quickly disappear after dinner only to surface in another 365.25 days to claim another token of their abstinence. it is a good thing that i am not the CEO or president of the fellowship, as i would kick those slackers to the curb and tell them to get involved and give back to the fellowship that saved their fVcking lives, instead of crow about the noble deeds they accomplished back in the day. they like me, are protected by the only requirement and since there is no set minimum of meetings, than there is no standard of what an “upstanding” member should be, which in the long run, turns out to be a good thing as well.
anyhow, am here to celebrate my membership and not to bury it. i am grateful i am clean today and am welcomed in the fellowship that has given far more than another day clean.
just a little bit of a salacious seed to get rolling. the good news is, there is only ONE requirement for membership, the DESIRE to stop using, so under that umbrella, i can never be a **bad** member. that was the quick way around and i could, if i chose to, leave it there. i chose, however to go beyond that and talk about how i arrived at that conclusion.
of course, no one can kick me out for being foul-mouthed, abusive or divisive. they can however choose not to have anything to do with me, just like anyone else put into tough social situations. being a member, however, is not the same as being part of the fellowship. just because i cannot be kicked out of a meeting or have my membership “revoked,” does not mean that the other members are going to fall all over themselves to include me in their activities outside of the meetings. they are under no obligation to invite me out for dinner, ice cream, bowling, BBQs or just hanging out. it is this fact that has tripped up more than a few of my friends. of course, since they do not invite me out, they all must be haters, and i should just go hang with the people i know who will allow me to be with them, my using buddies.
the fact that being a member does not automatically make one socially acceptable or even likeable, is a hard one for many to swallow. i can say that generally, those in the local fellowship, do reach out to the FNGs and include them in all those outside activities, at least for a while. it is their own behavior, the FNG not the fellowship, that determines how long that particular grace period is extended, as the newest of the new are often the most abrasive, arrogant and prickly.
so what if anything, is my obligation to those who are always the newest of the new? am i a “bad” member of i do not open my wallet, my home my car and my heart to every single potential member that walked into the door, even if it is there 99th time trying this gig out? that is where the only requirement applies to me. i can CHOOSE to be generous with my money, my time, and my resources. what i do not CHOOSE is to be stingy with my recovery, after all, i can only keep what i have…
yes it is a good thing that the only requirement applies to members with a bit of time, as well as those who are just walking into the rooms. it is also a relief that i am not kicked out for not liking everyone in the rooms, as well. honestly, i may not be one of those who rushes up and mugs the newcomer with attention and the gift of recovery, but i am certainly one of those who will give them what i have without any strings attached. i believe that everyone deserves the chance to recover and make the decision of whether or not to become a member themselves.
the part that irks me a bit though, is this blanket also covers the recovery thieves, who show up once a year to celebrate their clean time and get a chip. these are often members who have decades clean and who crow about how wonderful the program is, and quickly disappear after dinner only to surface in another 365.25 days to claim another token of their abstinence. it is a good thing that i am not the CEO or president of the fellowship, as i would kick those slackers to the curb and tell them to get involved and give back to the fellowship that saved their fVcking lives, instead of crow about the noble deeds they accomplished back in the day. they like me, are protected by the only requirement and since there is no set minimum of meetings, than there is no standard of what an “upstanding” member should be, which in the long run, turns out to be a good thing as well.
anyhow, am here to celebrate my membership and not to bury it. i am grateful i am clean today and am welcomed in the fellowship that has given far more than another day clean.
∞ DT ∞