Blog entry for:

death and grieving are parts of the fullness of living **life on its own terms.** this morning there are many directions i can go with this, and because i feel a bit scattered this too, may be a bit scattered. or perhaps not, after all, once i usually get rolling i seem to steamroll down the same track. so enough of the babble to warm-up, what really struck me this morning, was appreciating those who love me, in the here and now. i could get all morose and talk about how you never know what will happen and make sure that everyone who i do love, knows that i love them, by telling them so in the her and now. i am not the sort of person, at least not anymore, that lives in the world of what ifs, except for winning the powerball jackpot, but that is another topic, anyhow, as i was saying before i so rudely interrupted myself, i am not the sort of person who lives in the world of what ifs, and i can accept that human life is one the most fragile gifts that there is. a life of recovery has made me appreciate how much i cherish that gift, and as a result, i have come around to cherishing that same gift in those who love me and whom i love. i can sit around and worry whether or not they are going to walk in the door, or i can go out, demonstrate my love for them in the here and now, and let go of the horrible possibilities that the future will bring. i know my parents will someday die. i know that others in my life will also die. i also know that i can grieve, and allow my grief to wash over me, and consume me as it needs to. it will pass, especially if i allow it to pass, instead of trying to bottle it up inside. i have also learned that as intense as i feel grief, i DO NOT NEED to use. the intensity fades, the sadness lessens and the emptiness i feel will slowly be filled with the joy of having that person for whatever time i did. how do i know all of this? because that is how it worked for me four years ago when my friend Jim finally gave up in his struggle against cancer. even today, as i write this, i feel a twang on my heart, a tear in my eye, and a smile on my lips, because Jim taught me that no matter how grief affects me, i do not need to use, and i can go on to face a new day.
so anyhow, it is time to do just that, i have felt the sadness of that particular memory, i have felt the joy of having had him as part of my life and now i can move forward into my day by walking the dawg. life is good today and the time has come to step out and participate in it.

∞ DT ∞