Blog entry for:

of the death of someone close to me, can make my own mortality that much more pronounced. the death of my Mom, left me in a very confused state, emotionally. how dare she die the day before i leave on my trip to Africa and when the fVck was she going to take responsibility for her part in the lie i lived for sixty years. i do not regret being pissed off and resentful at her passing, she sucked the life out of everyone around her, because that was who she was. when i got clean, i saw myself doing the exact same thing and part of the person i want to be, gives more than he receives and never keeps a running total. living a program of recovery, allows me to move beyond that and deal with the personal issues that remind me of the frailty of the life of this human being.
last night i did something that i have not done since i was eighteen, i watched a political party convention. as some may know, i am very politically active on Twitter. as i watched and listened last night, one thing came clear, they all spoke of HOPE and Unity, rather than HATE and Dissension. i know that some of it was theater for the choir of those attending and watching at home. be that as it may, the energy and the vibe seemed to be everything the RNC a few weeks back, was not. sure there was a bit of truthful mud-slinging, after all TRUMP IS A CONVICTED FELON, but they went far beyond that to looking forward to a better future. i may not be inspired to go knock on some doors, but i certainly would be quite happy to put up a yard sign on my front lawn.
this morning, as i sat contemplating the notion of facing death, not a whole lot came up from the depths of the void. what i hear now is that CANCER SUCKS and i will not let it define who i am, just as i do not allow the car i drive, the job i do, or addiction to define who i am. all of that are parts of the whole and i am much more than the sum of all of my parts. as i move forward through my “diseases” i can be at peace knowing that at least, just for today, i will not take without giving and i will be present to see the opportunities the POWER that fuels my recovery places in my path. whether or not i take them, well that is of course, a horse of a different color. 😉 😎

∞ DT ∞