Blog entry for:

to the life of someone i love, has become a reality over the past year and i still have many unresolved feelings about the why and how of it. a peer in the program was suddenly swept away in a motorcycle accident, which also has left me full of conflicted feelings. of course there is also the transition from one job to a new one, and although the reading is about dealing with death, there are elements of finality in this as well. what i took away from sitting this morning, is that i am okay letting go and letting whatever i am feeling, wash through me.
what came up for me, was a bit off the beaten track as something one of my peers said the other night, bubbled up from the depths. they spoke of growing weary of reading the same cycle of readings, year after year, but were unwilling to let go of the practice of starting their day with some recovery literature. i am thinking, that perhaps, i have reached a similar spot and i need to randomly select something different to read each morning. as the evidence of this exercise indicate, i am slow to act on most of the notions that come from the quiet. for right now the cycle of reading is a constant part of my recovery routine and i am okay with leaving things as they are.
after the day i had in my self-training exercises yesterday, i am more than a bit concerned about my skill level going into my new position. i think i may need to do a bit of remedial work today, before i dive back into the advanced stuff i attempted yesterday. quite honestly, by thew end of the day, i felt like a HUGE ZERO and wondered if i was making a “good” career move after all. i could have stayed where i am, collected my $200 and passed go on December 31st, all the while sharpening my skills and making myself a stronger candidate for my next position. in my heart however, i am certain that this new opportunity, as challenging as it may be, is the correct move for me. another four months of doing nothing would have truly driven me crazy and i would have still faced an ending. just for today, i will go back to the training i have been doing, with a bit of a backtrack to sharpen my skills, before moving into what i really need to be doing. i will keep my work laptop up and running until i receive the notification of how to get it back to my company. most of all, i will walk in a bit of FAITH that i can actually see and choose to do, the next right thing. 😏

∞ DT ∞