Blog entry for:

my friends love me enough to tell me the truth about myself, this can make friendships awkward. i have found, though, that friends speak out of concern for me. although it was not said, i also love my friends enough to tell them the truth as i see it. the changes manifest in this last step cycle, have brought this very inconvenient fact home to roost, and some of those i thought were friends were not ready to hear what i had to say. it is well, it is sad, that as i grew into respecting myself more, they were unable for whatever reason to accept that growth within me, would change the nature and dynamics of the relationships we had built. yes, i was brutal sometimes in exercising my new found inner strength, for that i am sorry. i am a work in progress, and finding myself further along the road to the man i have always wanted to be, was a bit disconcerting. i am so obtuse, that the changes that were ongoing, were not evident to me for quite some time -- it was like going to sleep as a ten year old boy and waking up as a 21 year old man. i missed all of my spiritual puberty, because i was not present for it.
i actually have no regrets these days, and as i finally come to the end of whatever process has been grinding me over the past two months, i am beginning to see that i can no longer say that i am young in recovery, as that is now a lie and a manner of dissing myself. i have come to far, to allow myself to return to that world where i do not respect who i am, and i cannot see how far i have come from yesterday. the lessons i am learning these days all deal with being present for myself and the world around me, especially for those with whom i have deep and lasting friendships.
although i am sure that there are volumes more i could write on this topic, nothing is popping into my pointy little head to add. so i guess it is time to hit the streets for my daily endorphin fix. yeah i know trade one substance for another, blah, blah, blah. life is good today, and i am grateful to be a part of it this morning.

∞ DT ∞