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set me free, but first it will make me furious! one expectation i have from those in my life that i have developed friendships with, is to flat-out tell me when i have a booger hanging out of my nose, physically, emotionally or spiritually. i generally make a much more scatological reference, but i am certain that my point has been made. i do not need for them to ask for my “permission” to give me a heads-up, nor do they need to apologize for doing so. for me, i want those who care for me, to tell me what they see, in no uncertain terms and with total disregard of how what they say may make me feel. i would hope that they do so discreetly and privately, but have little or no power over that. on the other hand, however, i only have a few friends that have that same expectation of me. as socially retarded as i am, i have learned that asking for permission is better than asking for forgiveness.
part of me becoming a responsible part of my community, has led me to being involved in our local HOA. as a board member, i have to participate in a deliberative process that affects the homeowners of this community and do my best to rep[resent their interests. last one of those homeowners came to our board meeting to find out why we turned down their request for an exception to the guidelines. the fact is, if they had stopped talking ten minutes sooner, i might have been more favorable to finding a path to allow them to do what they asked for, on a trial basis. they, on the other hand went down the whole over-entitled, self-absorbed path of blame-shifting and name-calling. i really felt sorry for their spouse, as at least she had a clue when to shut the fVck up and accept. any goodwill or opportunity to soften my stance was lost in those final moments and i wanted to comment about how much deeper they were going to dig the hole they started. it did remind me of an argument i had with my spouse several years ago, when i vehemently disapproved of a decision someone else made and could not present any coherent or rational argument of why i felt so disrespected and diminished. oh i tried, and the hole just kept getting deeper and deeper. instead of trying to explain my feelings, i needed to say, that is how i feel and leave it that. as i always get in trouble when i try and explain why i feel the way i do.
this morning, as i wrap this up and get ready to get some steps in, i have come to the place where i wonder when i am going to be able to broach the subject of what i see in the behaviors of one of my friends. honestly, i can wait and hope that they pull their head out of their a$$, but in the mean time, i really cannot stand to here their voice. that, my friends is on me, and maybe five miles or so, will help me settle that issue for myself, at least in the here and now.

∞ DT ∞