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so it has been a few hours and certainly a few miles since i read this reading and sat down to listen to what i need to hear. moving forward from that notion and into what i hear at this moment.
a couple of things are ringing in my ears, the first being something i heard one f my peers share the other night. it is not surprise what they shared as they seem resistant to looking at anything beyond “no matter what.” for me, “no matter what” is certainly important, but recovery runs much deeper and has a course all of its own. the desire to use left me many moons ago, and if “no matter what” was sufficient for me, then i would no longer need to be here. for me, when i read or hear some notion that may not “fit” into my belief structure, i have the opportunity to step back and see where the conflict is. in fact, part of my recovery process has been the dismantling of a belief structure, and the formation of a belief system, which is far more fluid and malleable. i was so rigid when i got here that the destruction of what i believed was certainly necessary for me to move forward.
the second thing that is on my mind this morning is a question of whether or not i can be friends with someone who lacks integrity in their bidness dealings. once upon a time the terrible trio of judge, jury and executioner, would condemn them to a second class citizen in my friends world. as i progress in my recovery, the first second and third class citizenships have all been revoked and all of those i consider my friends are just that, my friends. that being said, there are certainly more than a few who i would never work for or work with, but that judgement does not affect that if i can like them or not.
finally, what kind of friend can i be? i am learning how to repair and rebuild a friendship with one of my peers, with whom i had a very unhealthy relationship across the course of time. as i learn to allow him the freedom to grow into the redefined relationship, so i must learn how to do the same.
anyhow time to get back to work and let this last day as a contractor be productive and worth all that they are paying me. my new world starts on Monday and i am grateful for the chance to be a part of this slice of the corporate world.

∞ DT ∞